


Unspecified Variables

by Seaward



Series: Unspecified Factors [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Asexual Character, DADT Repeal, Don't copy to another site, Identity Issues, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sexual Intimacy, Spirit Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:00:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seaward/pseuds/Seaward
Summary: Only after Atlantis returned to Pegasus did Rodney, Carson, and John discover the bonds that would hold them together. The rest they're not ready to name, but they might have more to offer than they ever guessed.





	Unspecified Variables

**Author's Note:**

> This story/series starts in 2011, so it is post Stargate Atlantis but not quite post DADT. This series is a prequel focusing on different characters and can be read independently from my series "Of Galaxies and Gifts," but they are set in the same AU universe. Thanks again (and always) to Elayna for proofreading and feedback. All remaining mistakes are mine.

John ran.

It was 0200 but too noisy to sleep in his room. He could move when they opened new quarters on the southeast pier, but he didn't want to be that far from the heart of Atlantis.

He jogged the east pier. Breathe, thump, thump, breathe.

Sometimes thoughts were too loud. People were too loud with all their wants and concerns and needs. John was supposed to be a person, but he was the commander. For years he'd kept his distance. Now people pressed in all around him, even if no one touched him.

His feet touched Atlantis. She grounded him. The ground supporting every thump of his feet was Atlantis.

John veered onto the southeast pier. Past the soon to be opened residences, with their suites and penthouse floor, he ducked into a lower building. Atlantis lit each hallway ahead of him. A prismatic light, the opposite of a human shadow, flickered past each turn. Appearing and disappearing at the city's whim, something she didn't show anyone but him.

No one used this building yet. Preliminary surveys showed the ground floor had been medical. He'd sent a team to transport a suturing machine, first to the science labs to be cleared, and then to the infirmary for testing.

Running downstairs, John reached the lower level where pools had been noted.

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the military commander's job to know everything that happened on Atlantis. He didn't know when the pools had been inspected or cleaned. Only one was filled. John ran straight to it, even though it was surrounded by three low walls for privacy.

It was a smaller, round pool. Still large enough to fit six or eight comfortably. John wasn't sure if the Ancients socialized while soaking or used it for some sort of physical therapy.

Steam rose from the water. Maybe the higher humidity had drawn John to this pool. He didn't remember knowing it was filled. Heated.

The water smelled clean, like Atlantis. There was no scent of chlorine, iodine, or cleaning products. But he knew the water was safe. Warm. This was meant for him.

No. That was crazy. But his feet had brought him to this pool. Like all the people around him, he could want. And other people's wants felt dull and distant from here.

He stripped off his running clothes and lowered himself into the pool.

Warm water embraced him. It had been so long since anyone warm had held him. He couldn't admit he wanted that. So he didn't. He relaxed and let the water support his weight.

An indeterminate time later, John wished there was more back support. A hard rush of water behind his lower back startled him. Then he realized it was like jets in a jacuzzi. He thought of jets and bubbles, and suddenly he was surrounded by moving, ebullient water.

John couldn't help but smile. He didn't have to deceive himself about Atlantis responding to his mental requests. His strong ATA gene kept him in command as much as years of experience and crew loyalty. Atlantis took care of him, as much as anyone could. John pressed an appreciative hand beside the jet for his back.

The pool bubbled cheerfully around him. The water pressing in from his jet and two others that made currents around him warmed. He relaxed his head back onto the edge of the pool, feeling almost held by warm pressure from three sides. Covered and caressed by bubbles in the water.

#

"Is there something wrong with Sheppard?" Rodney sat on the far side of Carson's office, like a patient at a consultation, like he wasn't barging in on his partner at work. Carson preferred the word "partner" to "boyfriend." It didn't matter to Rodney so long as Carson didn't dump him. After more than a year, it still amazed Rodney that Atlantis was back in Pegasus, Carson was once again the head of medicine, and now Carson and Rodney were "partners." Compared to that, the bizarre chain of events that killed off the Wraith, or made those that survived unable to feed, was just another data set. Sheppard's latest weirdness, however, required an explanation.

"Have you eaten dinner?" Carson asked.

"What? No. You were working. I was working. It seemed only logical to wait—"

"Let's get you something—"

"Don't act like I'm only concerned about Sheppard because my blood sugar is low. I'm not completely lacking in social awareness and I'm not a child who only acts out when hungry or tired." Rodney was ramping up for a long lecture on all the things he wasn't and thought his partner should know and acknowledge and agree with, but a beeping sound in the next room kept interrupting his thoughts. The beep sound sputtered at the end, "beeeee-ee-eep." Each time, "beeeee-ee-eep." It beep-sputtered again and again and again.

Suddenly Carson was squatting in front of Rodney, holding his hands. The doctor was rubbing circles into Rodney's palms the way he had after the mission with the Wraith queen's head.

#

_They'd been back in Atlantis for a few months when an armed scavenger tribe got the jump on Sheppard's whole team. They'd just arrived on an allied farming world, but their attackers forced them back through the Gate to a world with a downed hive ship._

_The lead barbarian—distinguished by his big gun in addition to unnaturally pointy eyebrows and huge tufts of hair sticking out of his ears—shook Sheppard by his already bound elbows. "Your people say we're safe from the Wraith. Prove it. Don't come out until you can bring us the Wraith Queen's head."_

_They were all shoved into the hive and a wooden barricade scraped into place behind them. Rodney's arms were bound behind his back from wrists to elbows and a rope looped around his neck like a leash. The others were similarly tied but also bruised and bleeding. Ronon had been shot in the leg, and the cloth used to tie it was soaked through with blood. Teyla and Sheppard had knife wounds that had stopped bleeding on their own._

_Rodney gagged as the smell of his team's blood melded with the rotting scent of the Wraith hive ship. As he started to retch and choke, Sheppard bumped against his shoulder. "Blue skies, Rodney. We'll have you untied in a moment."_

_Back to back, Sheppard pried at the knots near Rodney's elbows at what must have been a painful angle for his own arms. Every tug on the ropes shifted tiny, tearing fibers all down Rodney's arm._

_"What are you doing? You're ripping my skin off. I think you're making the ropes tighter. If you cause nerve damage, I'll never be able to type again. Or connect wiring. Or position those tiny crystals the Ancients maliciously placed at angles only a double jointed robot could comfortably reach."_

_"Done," was all Sheppard said._

_As Rodney pulled his arms forward, his shoulders ached, but it was nothing compared to the rawness of his forearms. Surprisingly, there was no blood. The ropes seemed not to have broken his skin, but there was already a lumpy red rash forming. Maybe he was allergic to whatever parts of the semi-biological ship were rotting and causing the stink. At least the pain in his arms had distracted him from the stink of the ship for a few moments. Now he was assailed by both._

_"Rodney! Hey, McKay! Back with us? How about untying me?"_

_Rodney huffed as he flexed his fingers. Sheppard could wait a couple seconds. Although it appeared Ronon had successfully untied Teyla in the meantime, and she'd already half finished with his ropes._

_Even if Rodney had never been a Boy Scout or any kind of military, he understood the topology behind basic knots. He had no problem untying the Colonel…by the time Teyla had rebandaged Ronon's leg._

#

"Rodney, listen to my voice," Carson was speaking softly, but so close to Rodney's ear that he could feel his warm breath. He could smell something like cocoa butter, although Carson insisted the balm he used for chapped skin came from a Pegasus legume in no way related to cacao. His partner's hands still held his, thumbs still stroked his palms. "There now, just relax. Something triggered a flashback. Do you want to talk about it?"

"The dead hive where we had to get the Wraith head."

"And you passed out when Sheppard cut it off, from the worst smell ever, you said. Was there a smell that triggered that memory now?"

Rodney's nose wrinkled at the memory of that stench. Then his skin crawled at the memory of the rash he'd woken up with in the infirmary. Fierce red bumps not only where his arms had been bound, but everywhere his clothing covered. Carson had called it a contact allergy, speculated something the scientist was sensitive to had gotten into his clothing and spread with cloth and sweat. It hadn't been like any of his allergic reactions before, but Rodney hadn't argued as Carson held his hand, one of the few places free of rash, tracing circles on his palm.

Even a social reject like Rodney knew better than to tell his partner that a loving gesture had triggered a terrible memory. Then he remembered the part before, the sounds. "One of your machines is beeping with a strange hiccup at the end. It sounds wrong, and it's driving me nuts."

"You hear it now?" Carson asked, as if he didn't notice it at all.

Rodney pointed to the door on the next beep. After the annoying stutter at the end, he closed his hand. Then he pointed on the next beep.

As Carson pulled away, the loss of contact and cocoa butter scent was disappointing. Concentrating let Rodney feel residual heat and follow the scent as the doctor opened his office door and the annoying beep sounded ten times louder. Rodney slammed his hands to his ears, but it was still easy to hear Carson through them.

"Marie, could you silence that monitor and run a diagnostic on the power and sound components?" Carson shut the door, and the beep didn't sound again. "That better?"

Lowering his hands, Rodney nodded.

"Shall we go to dinner now?"

#

After Rodney asked for macaroni and cheese rather than root vegetable goulash, Carson said, "I've heard good things about the new tilva squash."

"You mean you've heard it's good for us, not that it tastes good," Rodney groused. But he remembered how Jennifer had claimed she wouldn't have had to nag at him so much if he'd listen to polite hints once in a while. He told the Athosian serving the vegetables, "I'll try the tilva squash."

Carson smiled as they walked to a quiet table at the back of the mostly empty mess hall.

"Don't think I've forgotten why I originally came to see you. It's ridiculous that I have to eat, even eat bitter yellow squash from space, to have you take my concerns about Sheppard seriously."

By the time they were both seated, Carson wasn't smiling anymore and Rodney wished he'd learned how to defend his own interests without antagonizing even the most forgiving person he knew. "I'm sorry, Rodney. You know there are matters that fall under doctor-patient confidentiality."

"Hah! So there is something wrong with Sheppard."

Carson shook his head slowly. His eyes drooped tiredly and not in the sexy way Rodney liked. "I didn't say that. Pretty much any time you appear in my office asking if something is wrong with someone, I won't be able to answer. I had a feeling saying so would only make you feel worse, and I could tell you were hungry. Let's go ahead and eat."

Halfway through his mac and cheese already, Rodney said, "If you can't talk about him, then listen to me." Rodney appreciated the chance to speak without being interrupted, even if it sort of felt like he was tattling on a teammate to the shrinks by way of telling his partner, who also happened to be the head of medicine. "Sheppard's begged off doing anything for weeks. He claims he's too tired or too busy to race cars or even sit on the pier. He has circles under his eyes despite claiming to sleep more than ever. Except, I'm not sure he's even trying to sleep. Either he's doing something else or he's refusing to wake up or to admit he's awake. I have pounded on his door when the life signs detector claims he's there, and he doesn't answer."

"You used a life signs detector to check if Sheppard was in his room?" Carson asked after cleaning his mouth with a napkin.

"How else can I know if he won't answer the door?"

"Sometimes people find it easier to pretend they're not home than to tell someone they want to be alone," Carson said calmly, stabbing a bit of tilva squash.

"I know." Rodney waved his fork like a conductor's baton. "Despite all my social failings, I'm very aware of strategies for avoiding people or ignoring them. But Sheppard's put up with me for years. He wouldn't do that to me. Even after Doranda, he told me I could earn back his trust if I wanted to try. Half the base was ignoring, avoiding, or snubbing me then. Trust me, I know how that works."

A nudge against his ankle startled Rodney, until he realized it was Carson pressing his ankle in from across the table. Such a simple touch—through socks and pants—sent a calming warmth through Rodney's body. He relaxed his back and shoulders, not having realized how much he'd tensed them while referring to his great mistake on Doranda and how almost everyone shunned him afterward. Somehow, Rodney always felt better when Carson was touching him.

"I didn't mean to dismiss your intuitions about Sheppard—"

"It's not intuition. I have sensor readings, data. I could make you a graph of how much time Sheppard used to spend in his room or spend with me. There are measurable changes." Rodney cut his rant short as Carson's foot moved up and down his leg.

"Fine. If I think you sometimes demonstrate intuition as well, that doesn't mean I doubt your data. But please, do not make me a graph. I'll be mindful of what you said in any situation that seems appropriate. Can I make one suggestion without hurting your feelings?"

"This isn't about my feelings." Even Rodney didn't believe himself on that one.

"Don't assume it's about you."

"You do know something. Don't you?" Rodney pounced on the implied information. "Is he hooking up with someone? That wouldn't be anything new though, and while it might make him tired, it shouldn't make him sad. Did he get space VD? You'd tell me if it was something serious, wouldn't you?"

Carson was making quieting gestures with his hand, but Rodney ignored him until Zelenka dropped a tray right beside him. It clattered to the ground spilling macaroni and a large puddle of coffee.

"Hladit hada bosou nohou, even the Marines do not discuss VD at dinner."

As Zelenka gathered his mess back onto his tray and Carson moved to help with some spare napkins, Rodney said, "Of course they do. How long have you lived on this city?" As Zelenka scuttled away, Carson reclaimed his seat, Rodney said, "I never understood that saying. One of the many Czech phrases he throws around. It translates as 'patting a snake with bare feet,' but I hadn't realized before that it was innuendo about unsafe sex."

"I think you should collect more data on that one," Carson said with a sigh.

"I'm sure I will. Zelenka curses in Czech the way I shout down minions."

"I'm almost afraid to ask how you see those as the same."

Carson had practically cleared his plate, so Rodney tried a bit of the new squash while he still had mac and cheese to smother the taste. As it turned out, the squash wasn't so bad. Rodney swallowed most of it down before saying, "We're both teaching people our own communication styles. If we were too easy to understand or get along with, they'd come to us complaining about other scientists' quirks."

"I see," Carson said.

Rodney swallowed an oversized bite of macaroni wondering what exactly Carson saw. The medical man was staring at him, mostly his face, which was warming under the prolonged attention. Then Carson was checking out his arms, his pecs. Rodney ate faster, finishing the last bites on his plate.

"You're wearing your strap, aren't you?" Carson asked.

"How can you tell?" The scientist asked even as he nodded.

#

_It didn't happen after a mission. Rodney would never wear his strap on a mission. He usually didn't wear it while working, but after a year back in Pegasus, life had settled as much as could ever be expected. Rodney had been tinkering for fun. The Ancient device he was working on had been found in a kitchen area, so it was as safe as any unknown Ancient tech was likely to be. Still, he could hope for a universal food replicator, or at least an espresso machine._

_Then out of nowhere, without any obvious power source other than residual charge, the machine zapped him. It threw him flat on his back. He heard a buzzing sound that seemed to grow louder and louder the longer he listened._

_The next thing he knew, Rodney woke in the infirmary, in a private room._

_Carson was speaking beside him, inches from his elbow, but didn't touch him. Usually when Rodney woke up in the infirmary, and it happened enough that he'd built up a strong data set, Carson's hands would be all over him as soon as he woke. The doctor would be checking pulse, reflexes, and skin temperature. For a domineering braggart who failed at forming intimate relationships, those touches were significant and appreciated._

_"Rodney, are you tracking my words now?" Carson used his calmest doctor voice, the one that usually indicated bad news, "I need to ask a personal question due to the state we found you in. Are you involved in a consensual dominant/submissive or BDSM relationship?"_

_"What?" Rodney would blame it on recovering from electric shock or concussion or whatever had happened, but that was all his genius brain came up with at the time._

_"I had to check under your clothing for possible injuries or effects of an unknown Ancient device, and I need to know if the less common items you are wearing are normal and fully consensual for you."_

_Carson wasn't freaking out. Rodney wished he could say the same for himself. He wanted to flee the room and hide. Go back in time and make different choices. Of all the ways he'd imagined someone finding out…_

_But Carson wasn't pulling away. If anything, his eyes hadn't left Rodney since he woke up. When Rodney looked at those eyes, the pupils seemed wider than the light in the room required. The physician was standing only inches away and Rodney was sure he could hear the man's heart speeding up, lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub._

_"Rodney?"_

_"I'm not involved in any sort of relationship. It's just something I created for myself." Rodney didn't know why he was admitting to this, but when Carson closed the final inches and placed a hand on his shoulder, Rodney wanted to tell him everything._

_"When I was twelve, there were embarrassing moments when I'd pop an erection at school. Of course, I was in high school and younger than anyone else in my classes. They teased me a lot. About a lot of things. But I didn't think basic biology should be one of them. I made a strap out of the least stretchy material I could find. If I couldn't control my body completely, I could at least minimize the evidence. It turned out to feel good, having that control, and even having my spontaneous erections held tight against my body. Over the years, I made other straps and added in butt plugs. They gave me pleasure and a new way to enjoy my strap, a way to tease myself before jacking off. I wasn't on duty tonight, you know, just checking something in the lab. I have nothing to be ashamed of."_

_"You definitely shouldn't be ashamed," Carson rubbed Rodney's shoulder soothingly as he said it, but Rodney was more than half hard already. With his strap on and endorphins already circulating in his body, it was easy to experience the touch as more than it was meant to be. "That was a clever solution to something we all go through at that age. The fact you adapted it to pleasure yourself later shows a very positive attitude toward your own sexuality, however you define it."_

_"I never really needed to define it. I like sex, by myself or with people who want to have sex with me." Carson's hand stilled, as if he'd just realized how his shoulder rub was affecting Rodney. "I don't care whether the person is male or female, you know, so long as I don't think they're trying to trick or humiliate me. I'm actually very good at sex. Genius has its uses, and I'm very skilled with my hands and other parts."_

_"I'm sure you are," Carson said. His voice was still soft, if slightly lower and rougher than usual. "But we really shouldn't be discussing this now. You're a patient in my care. I didn't find anything wrong with you, but you were unconscious for a long time, half an hour at least. I'd need to keep you overnight for observation even if an Ancient device hadn't been involved. I don't suppose you know what the item you were working with does?"_

_Rodney accepted that Carson didn't want to negotiate sex right now, but he hadn't said no. It had taken Rodney all this time to take a chance on propositioning his friend, and even the absence of rejection was a turn on. "A multi-setting kitchen timer, I'm pretty sure. It just had a residual charge, like a battery back-up, that hadn't dissipated in all these years."_

_"Good to know. Still, you'll be sleeping here tonight. I'll escort you to the bathroom if you need to get out of bed. I'm guessing you don't usually sleep in your strap."_

_Rodney chuckled, and it sounded husky even to his own ears. "Not exactly conducive to sleep." He lifted the covers up a bit and was relieved to see he'd been dressed in scrubs after whatever explorations Carson had made. Imagining Carson examining around the strap made Rodney even harder under it. The material the current version was constructed from had a silky, pebbled texture inside that made him want to lie on his stomach and rub against it. Instead, he shifted his legs off the bed on the far side from Carson._

_In an instant Carson was there, pressed up against Rodney's side, holding his arm. A flood of sensation rushed across Rodney's skin, making him warm all over and hard where it mattered. His butt plug shifted as he stood, so close to rubbing his prostate the way he wanted. He needed to get to the bathroom. If Carson's assistance wasn't needed for medical reasons, it certainly helped when Rodney was this aroused and all his blood was rushing to put more pressure on his strap._

_It took only a few steps to cross to the exam room's private bathroom. With every step, Rodney's strap did exactly what the newer version had been designed to do, teasing Rodney's cock and hole with the sensations he most enjoyed. But this time Carson was flush against his side, acting as a catalyst to the usual reaction. Somehow Rodney could hear every quick breath his friend took, even how his heart raced. Carson smelled like disinfectant but also like some local lotion or soap, with hints of dried herbs and even black pepper._

_Rodney wanted to kiss him, to taste him before letting go to take care of himself in the bathroom. But even his geeky and problematic dating history taught him better than that. Carson had wanted to drop the subject while at work but left it open for later. There was no way Rodney would undermine that future chance by risking a kiss now._

_"You aren't going to stand here waiting for me, are you?" Looking into Carson's eyes was almost too much. Rodney wanted to press their bodies together and move until Carson felt as desperate as he did._

_"You're technically confined to bed." Carson's fingers rubbed up and down Rodney's arm before stopping, as if Carson hadn't meant to respond with that caress. He blinked twice. "I suppose I could check back in ten minutes. There's a panic button in the bathroom. If you need any help before then, don't hesitate to use it."_

_Rodney nodded and let himself into the tiny bathroom, quickly shutting the door. He leaned up against the sink, letting the edge press almost painfully into his hardness. He waited while he heard Carson walk away._

_With a deep breath that sucked in remnants of Carson's smell, Rodney began to ease himself up and down against the sink. The plug shifted inside of him. He clenched around it, forcing more stimulation. Quickly, he removed the scrubs he'd been dressed in. Bracing a palm between himself and the sink provided a soft firmness to rub against, but it was almost impossible to come in his strap._

_Maybe it was how he'd trained himself over the years, or maybe it was the way his uncut foreskin protected his most sensitive crown. But he wasn't in that much of a hurry. If anything, he was already far too close to the edge. He struggled to stay on that edge, letting his own foreskin and the texture built into his strap tease him for as long as possible. He imagined what it would be like to have Carson's hand there instead. Or his mouth. Or his ass._

_Sooner than Rodney really wanted, he felt the muscles in his own ass start to spasm. He released the strap as quickly as possible as he licked his hand and then gave himself the firm wet grip he needed. His orgasm slammed into him as if he'd been teasing himself for hours. He spurted hard and clenched around the butt plug over and over, until he was left shaking up against the sink._

_As his knees gave out, he thought of the panic button, which he would never press in a million years. That sort of medical kink was not his thing. Instead, he sat back on the toilet until he could catch his breath and clean up. Carson would be able to tell what he'd been up to, of course. But rather than embarrassment, Rodney felt faint aftershocks of arousal at the thought._

#

"Let's go for a walk." Carson had started clearing his dishes while Rodney was caught up in the memory.

"With hot chocolate?" Rodney asked, thinking of the night that followed his memory of Carson discovering him in the strap. Carson had brought him hot chocolate and taken him for a walk on the west pier long after dark.

"If you really want that. Mostly, I wanted to clear my head before we went back to one of our rooms for something else."

Rodney had his tray ready to go in a moment. "Something else sounds promising."

Once they were out on the empty pier, Carson said, "About the person you mentioned earlier, the one you haven't been stalking with a life signs detector?"

"Are we doing this without names for a reason?"

"I wanted to know if you were still attracted to him, and you know how risky any rumor of gay sex can be for that group."

"I thought they ended 'don't ask don't tell.'"

"Their Supreme Court ruled against it last year. I think their military is supposed to officially repeal it next month, on September 20th. But that doesn't mean everything will change overnight. I certainly won't write anything more explicit in military files than I have in the past."

"So you think he's—"

"I'm still not commenting on that. When we started this relationship, you said you'd had a crush on him for years, before you dated Keller. We later agreed to be exclusive unless we talked about wanting someone else, together or separately. I don't think anything is likely to happen in this case, but I'd like to know what you're feeling."

Rodney threw his head back and tried not to whine. This was not what he wanted to discuss tonight. Carson had implied they would have sex after their walk. Rodney was almost certain they'd both been on the same page then. He'd thought Carson wanted to clear his head from work issues, not discuss Rodney's feelings for Sheppard. "I can't honestly imagine not finding him attractive. I'm pretty sure over half the lifeforms in two galaxies find that man attractive. But I don't think of him while we're having sex, if that's what you want to know."

"Why are you so concerned about how he's acting lately?"

"He's my friend. I may not be great as a friend, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to notice and do something about it if he's cutting himself off from me and other people. You're not going to be jealous of that, right?"

"So long as you're honest with me, I don't think I could be jealous of any of your friends. I'm glad you care about him and want to help. If you tell me that's all you're feeling, then I believe you."

"Good," Rodney didn't feel good, but he felt better than he had a minute ago. "Anything else you need to clear from your head?"

"The beeping sound earlier. I'd like to test your hearing."

"Now?"

"No, how about tomorrow after your mission?"

"Fine."

Carson reached out to clasp Rodney's hand. The warm skin on a cold night seemed to signal his body that more was to follow, as if his sense of touch suddenly ramped up.

"So how long have you been wearing your strap today?"

At Carson's words, the butt plug held in by Rodney's strap and the textured surface on the front came into sudden focus, making him breathe a little faster. "Ever since I finished work."

"Right before you came to my office?" Carson's voice dropped a bit, making Rodney work to hear every nuance.

"A bit before that. I started laundry while I was taking a shower and then had to make the bed and put stuff away."

"Cleaning up for me?"

Rodney had never been able to admit such motives before, but with Carson it happened naturally. "You seem to like clean sheets and clean, well, me."

"I really do." The certainty behind Carson's words had Rodney clenching around the plug. "I don't know how others think you're inconsiderate. I'm constantly impressed with how thoughtful you are."

Rodney felt warm all over. "Want to know what I'm thinking about right now?"

"Other than the obvious?" Carson stopped to face Rodney, kissing him briefly as their bodies shifted slightly together. Somehow Carson managed to brush across both Rodney's nipples and his cock in one fell swoop. Then they were back to holding hands and stepping right back into their walk.

Walking was suddenly more awkward for Rodney, as the light touches against his over-sensitized skin had taken him from generally aroused to completely erect, very fast. "More than that." He could hear the rasp in his own voice and knew Carson heard it too. It was as if he could smell Carson's arousal in response to his own. "I manufactured a string of anal beads. I've never tried them before, but I'm only wearing my smallest plug, just to make it easy for you to start pushing them into me. If you want."

"Yes, I want." Carson squeezed his hand. "Did you imagine someone walking into the lab while you were making them?"

"Our 3D printer has a clear panel on top. Anyone could have seen, but I was working late last night on something else."

"I know. I missed you."

"That's partly why I took off early today and cleaned up."

"Maybe we should head back," Carson said, turning them around. "Is there anything special you'd like to try with your new toy?"

#

An hour later, Rodney and Carson were walking on the same pier again. They'd slowed down because Rodney was having even more trouble than before.

"Is it too much for you?" Carson asked

"Never." Rodney had the entire toy, six beads of increasing diameter, stuffed inside him. There was always at least one rubbing against his prostate. Right now, one was pressing hard against that spot with every step. He wore his strap on top, caressing his erection, which was leaking freely now. "You know how I usually can't come in my strap?"

"I've never known you to come with it on. I thought that was part of the point." Carson was only holding Rodney's hand. It probably looked innocent to anyone who might see them through the dark.

"This new toy might change that. I'm not sure I can stop myself." Rodney was gasping between every few words as he spoke.

"But you don't want to come like this, do you?" Carson kept walking but turned to watch Rodney's face.

Rodney wondered if he could blush with so much blood filling his cock. "I don't know." The words came out as little more than a whisper.

Carson pulled them to a stop, turning to face Rodney, but not touching him any more than the hand he was already holding. "It's your body, and you'll do what you need to do. But I think you'd like it better if we made it back to your room. I would very much like it if we made it back to your room. Do you want to try, for both of us?"

Some part of Rodney's brain knew what Carson was doing. Not just making him wait, but asking him to wait until Carson wanted him to come. Rodney knew it was probably what he wanted too, but in that moment, he very much wanted to hold on just for Carson. They'd talked a bit about dominance and submission, and Rodney hadn't wanted to label anything. But in the moment, he felt out of control. He liked that Carson was in control. Not that he wanted Carson or anyone else to boss him around. But he appreciated Carson giving him instructions, spelling out what would make this best for both of them. Rodney nodded, feeling like he'd drifted someplace without words.

He let Carson lead him by the hand, slowly, back to his room. The beads still circled, rubbed, massaged his prostate. He had never been on the edge of orgasm for so long, not this close to the edge. No one spoke to them on their way back. Rodney didn't know who they passed in the final hallways, but he noticed Carson nodding to them without speaking. All of Rodney's attention was focused on his own body and on Carson beside him.

Carson smelled of cocoa butter and sweat. He hadn't showered since morning, but Rodney found the scent grounding. Like Rodney might float away if he didn't have something to grab his senses. Carson's hand was a constant warmth, but he wasn't stoking so much as a thumb tonight. Rodney knew it was a kindness. He didn't want to put Rodney any more off balance than he already was. Carson's heart beat fast, his breathing was faster than usual for such a slow walk. Rodney's mouth watered because he could practically taste Carson's arousal. He'd bet Carson was leaking like Rodney was, though definitely not as much.

When they were finally inside Rodney's room Carson asked, "Can you take your clothes off without coming?"

Rodney started stripping without a thought.

When he was bare except for his strap, he found Carson standing naked beside the bed. A pillow lay on the floor by his feet. "I would really like for you to kneel and blow me, if you can. I don't mind if you come in your strap, but I could take it off and leave the beads in. You could take yourself in hand if you wanted to come while you were blowing me."

Rodney wanted to talk. To tell Carson to take off the strap. To say how much he wanted his mouth on Carson's hard cock. It was dusky red. Erect and leaking just as Rodney had known it would be. It felt good to know Carson was that turned on. Rodney hadn't done anything for him. Except making the beads. Asking Carson to put them in. Saying he'd like to walk with them and the strap.

Carson reached out and pulled Rodney in front of him. Moving very slowly, Carson unfastened the strap, leaving the beads in, just like he'd said. A moment passed, and Rodney sank to his knees. He leaned in just enough to suck on the tip of Carson's cock.

The taste drew him farther down. He steadied Carson's cock with his hand and sucked in and out, wet and sloppy. He'd shown Carson plenty of times how clever he could be with his tongue, but this wasn't one of those times. Rodney sucked like it was a biological necessity. As he moved, the beads inside him shifted, rhythmically, across his sweet spot. But he didn't want to come until Carson did.

Giving himself over to instinct, Rodney sucked deeper and faster as Carson panted and then groaned above him. When Carson came, gushing down his throat, Rodney swallowed to the same rhythm. His muscles flexed around the beads, as if his body remembered what to do even when Rodney forgot. He wrapped his free hand around his own cock and felt himself thrusting into his hand even as his mouth took everything Carson was giving him.

Taste, smell, warmth, and pleasure filled Rodney. They overfilled him. He didn't know where his body ended. He didn't know when his own orgasm ended.

When he heard Carson's words, he knew he hadn't been hearing anything for a while. The words seemed to start mid-sentence.

"…Good to me. You are amazing. Not just what you do for me, although that's pretty amazing, too. But I see how much you care. How loyal and trusting you are. I don't know how I could be so lucky. I love you. I wouldn't want to change a thing about you unless you wanted to change it for yourself. Any chance you'll remember that? Are you hearing me now?"

Rodney nodded and realized his mouth was empty. His ass clenched, and he noticed that was empty, too. He missed being full, but he couldn't stay full the way he was forever. Now Carson was kneeling on the floor in front of where Rodney was still kneeling on his pillow. "Can you open your eyes, love?"

Rodney hadn't realized his eyes were shut. He blinked them open for a moment but didn't like the light.

"Okay, maybe just crack them open to help catch your balance. We both need to stand up and rinse in the shower for a moment before climbing into bed. I'll help, but I need you to try to stand up."

Rodney moved a foot to push on the ground and a hand to push on his knee. His eyes were closed, but Carson was holding him. Carson would guide him.

Sure enough, once they were both standing up, Carson guided him to the shower. The water came out at the temperature Rodney usually liked, because the showers on Atlantis adjusted for their occupants. Now the water felt cool and each drop made an impact against his overheated, over-sensitized body.

Then the drops were warmer and hit more softly. Rodney didn't know if his mind ordered the adjustment or if Carson did it. But Carson's hands were running across Rodney's body. One hand held a cloth, making a different texture. Rodney lost track of time as water, cloth, and hand warmed, and scuffed and soothed his skin.

The next thing Rodney knew, he was mostly dry. The water had turned off and Carson had pulled a towel in to dry him. After a moment, Rodney realized Carson was speaking to him again. "When you're ready, we need to step out of here and walk back to bed."

Rodney did as Carson asked. He walked where Carson led him and let Carson guide his body through sitting and then lying down. Rodney never even had to open his eyes.

Carson trailed one hand along Rodney's body even as he moved around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. "How are you feeling? Does anything hurt."

Rodney shook his head.

"Are you thirsty?"

It took a while for Rodney to decide he was and nod. Time seemed to be moving strangely, in fits and starts. At some point Carson held a water bottle to Rodney's mouth, and Rodney drank.

"I know you don't feel a need for many labels or definitions, but I think your state of mind right now is what some people call subspace. I don't know if I've seen you this out of it before, and I want you to know I'm going to stay with you. I don't want you to leave tomorrow without waking me and talking, just so I know you're okay in every way. Will you do that for me?"

Rodney nodded.

"Good."

Rodney felt proud of himself for nodding. Some part of him knew that was ridiculous, but most of him was too relaxed and blissed out to care. He felt good. Carson said it was good. That was all he needed.

Then Carson was saying, "Try to remember that I love you. I want to be here for you. I appreciate who you are and don't need you to change to please me. You please me just the way you are."

That was more than Rodney needed. It made him feel too overfull again and fuzzy around the edges. He curled into Carson, intertwining their legs. Pressing his face against Carson's chest where he was surrounded by the feel and smell of Carson's warm skin. The sound of Carson's breathing and heart. That grounded him enough that when Carson stroked his hair it was pure pleasure. He drifted to sleep in the peace that his partner gave him.

#

"You want us to do what?" John had his hands on his hips, head cocked to the side, trying to look nonchalant. He really wasn't in the mood for some stupid offworld mating ritual today. Post-Wraith societies in Pegasus seemed more interested than ever in building larger, more genetically diverse populations. Cementing alliances that way was nothing new. But this planet was a bit more blatant about it than most.

"Your only obligation as new trade partners is to sit and take the time to see if any here are compatible with you. Whatever results or does not, we'll deal in good faith and trust you to do the same." Head Trader Lasan tilted both shoulders, as seemed to be the local custom, and walked away.

Ronon stuck out his chin and asked, "Want me to take one?"

John wondered how he always ended up caught in such absurd conversation. "Like I'm the coach to tell you to take one for the team. They better mean it when they say results don't matter."

As Rodney shifted foot to foot, Teyla cut in. "A lack of obligation in the eyes of Lasan says nothing about the expectations of a future mother. It is perhaps easier to act in good faith going forward if not too much _compatibility_ is experienced this evening." Her raised eyebrows were more eloquent than anything John could have offered on the subject. "Of course, I will not be taking anyone local back to the 'nest' I have been provided as an accomplished mother. I would be happy to share that space with all of you later in the celebration." She made her way into the building with the small sleeping room, or "guest nest," they'd been shown earlier.

Shoulders back, head up, John made his way to a central chair. It was large and carved like a throne, but made of gray stone like a statue. John decided to imagine himself a statue for the duration of this experience. He'd used a similar technique to survive many parts of basic training as well as his father's dinner parties.

Rodney sat to his right, Ronon to his left. Almost immediately a curvaceous young woman slid into Ronon's lap. He said nothing as she began telling about herself with an unnecessary amount of repositioning on his lap.

A moment later a petite woman with shiny dark hair streaming down to her hips, came to John and placed a hand on his knee.

"Of course they rush to both of you. No appreciation for intellect," he heard Rodney mutter from his chair.

"My name is Blanz," the woman now fondling John's knee said. "I am impressed by your clear eyes and straight teeth, but would like to know what sort of man you are."

"I'm John. I like Ferris wheels, college football, and anything that goes more than 200 miles an hour."

"Seriously, you're still using that line?"

Blanz ignored Rodney completely and didn't ask John what his answer meant. She slid in closer, until she was standing between his knees. In a clearly practiced move, she slid both hands up his thighs and leaned forward to better display her cleavage. "I enjoy dancing and cooking and have already born one healthy son. I would provide a good home for another and keep you well entertained on your future visits."

As her thumbs drifted down from her grip on his thighs, John said, "I’m sure you would, but I'm afraid we're just not compatible enough."

To her credit, Blanz stepped back immediately and said, "I'm sorry to hear that." Then she walked straight to Rodney. "You say you're smarter than your friend?"

Another woman was touching John before he could listen to Rodney's detailed and outraged reply. John fixed a fake smile on his face and braced himself for the Pegasus variant of speed dating.

#

Rodney didn't know what to do when the fourth woman literally grabbed him by the balls. He couldn't help being a little turned on from all the physical attention. Before his relationship with Carson, he probably would have welcomed it. Now he felt confused. He'd thought he could keep control of his body. Over time, he'd become quite competent at that sort of self-control and hadn't needed the strap for anything but entertainment in years. Besides, he'd reached a certain age, and the night before had included one of the best orgasms of his life. He'd been exhausted afterward and hadn't even woken up hard this morning.

He shouldn't be this horny when he really didn't want to be with anyone but Carson. Sure, the women on this planet were actively trying to seduce him, but they probably had all sorts of venereal diseases, warts and smelly discharge.

The woman on his lap pressed her breasts against his chest. She didn't smell diseased. There were flowers in her hair that smelled like honeysuckle. When she placed one behind his ear, her fingers slid smooth and small through his thinning hair, as if marking them with the scent of her flowers and something else. She smelled salty and damp. Something deep in his brain said she was fertile, that this was the smell to tell him it was time and she needed him in her.

"Hey, Rodney, are you okay?" It was Sheppard calling from the next chair over. "You're looking a little glassy eyed, and I wanted to make sure you weren't allergic to those flowers or something."

It felt to Rodney as if he'd drifted far away. He struggled to pull himself back into his own mind, like a kite reeling itself in by its own string. Finally his genius kicked in and he realized Sheppard was offering him an excuse. Rodney forced himself to sneeze, all over himself and the woman who'd gotten him half hard. She pulled back, staring down at the droplets on both their chests. "I'm allergic to your flowers. Please, take them away before I seize up. We're clearly not compatible."

The woman fled. Sheppard only smirked a little as he said, "Breathe, Rodney. I think you've earned yourself a little break."

Rodney wanted to complain and rant about Sheppard's sleazy Captain Kirk ways, but his team leader's voice was strangely soothing. When he looked over, Sheppard's eyes were on him rather than the woman in his lap. Besides, Rodney didn't want to draw further attention from the locals or provoke any sort of an incident. He sat on the hard stone chair with his arms crossed over his chest and tried not to make eye contact with anyone.

#

When they went for their required post-mission medical checkups back on Atlantis, Rodney demanded a private exam room.

Carson followed him and asked immediately when the door shut, "Did something happen?"

"I think someone tried to dose me with an aphrodisiac." Rodney spoke fast and didn't meet Carson's gaze. "It might have been a natural product of a flower someone tried to tuck behind my ear." He pointed to his left ear. "I can still smell it, so I thought you'd want to take a sample or something."

"Let me start with the hand scanner." Carson was doing so as he asked, "Did they touch you anywhere else?"

"She was sitting on my lap. I didn't have a choice, but we all kept our clothes on. It's something they say all new trade partners, at least males, have to do to see if they're compatible with anyone there. Sheppard and Ronon had to do it, too. But someone tried the flowers on me first. Sheppard claimed I had an allergy, and I managed to sneeze all over her and myself. After that they left me alone and no one tried the flower thing on anyone else. Sheppard and Teyla were able to wrap up the trade part afterward extra fast, claiming they needed to get me home."

"Did you have trouble breathing?" Carson asked as he pulled on gloves and wiped some sort of swab around Rodney's left ear.

"No, it wasn't really an allergy. Sheppard said I looked glassy eyed, but I think it was just an excuse to get that woman with the flowers away from me."

"Why was he trying to get her away from you?" Carson took a blood sample and poked into his nose and throat with tiny swabs.

"Because he has a sixth sense for aphrodisiacs or knowing when I'm in trouble? Who can ever explain what goes on in that chia plant head of his?"

"Okay, I'll ask him later. Can you tell me what symptoms you experienced?"

"You know what an aphrodisiac does!"

Carson placed a cloth he'd run over Rodney's face and hair into a device at the side of the room. With his gloves still on he held Rodney by both shoulders and stepped in front of him, practically forcing Rodney to look him in the eyes. "If you don't want to talk to me about this because of our personal relationship, I will understand. I've only continued to see you as a patient because you insisted on it before. As your partner, I will assure you later that whatever happened on that planet does not threaten our relationship. As the head of medicine, I need a detailed description of everything that happened to you. Would you rather talk to me about this or to one of my staff?"

"You, definitely you." Rodney felt a spike of panic, but it was held in check by Carson's round about promise that they would be okay personally. "It wasn't anything that bad, except that we're exclusive. I didn't want those women throwing themselves at me, and for the first three I just imagined them all having space VD, and I didn't respond at all to their flattery or petting. Although it was kind of nice when some of them were interested in me, even if they mostly hit on Ronon and Sheppard first."

"It's okay Rodney. We all like to be appreciated. Now tell me what happened next."

"The fourth woman smelled different from the start, like honeysuckle but also like sex, or fertility. It was like something in my brain insisted she was ovulating and that the smell meant I should have sex with her. I started to get an erection, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't want to cheat on you. You know how hard I came last night. I don't think I could have gotten hard from anyone flirting at me today, other than you maybe. But that's how I know it was an aphrodisiac. I can still smell traces of it. Don't you think I should take a shower?"

"If anyone from your team had mentioned this before coming through the Gate, we would have sent you straight to the decontamination showers. As it is, I'm not being affected from being in the same room with you, so I'm going to keep you isolated in here for now."

"No shower?" Rodney really wanted to be clean, especially now, in front of Carson.

"Not yet. I do have the hearing test set up that you agreed to do after your mission. How about you do that while I check the samples I took?"

"Shouldn't you stay isolated with me?"

Carson sighed. "I can analyze them from the console in here. Let me set you up with headphones for the hearing test."

#

Rodney didn't let Carson out of his sight as he tapped keys with one hand or the other to indicate when he heard a sound in each ear. It was an easy test and didn't require much concentration. Carson had him wearing huge headphones that were surprisingly soundproof otherwise, and the position of the Ancient monitor Carson used prevented Rodney from seeing the screen. Still, it was comforting to watch Carson type and study whatever results he was looking into. They'd been in the room long enough that Rodney could smell Carson in addition to the aphrodisiac and all the usual infirmary smells.

When the hearing test finished, Carson set him up with a vision test.

"Why?" Rodney protested.

"Because you're a captive audience and I'm an evil doctor," Carson said.

Rodney did the vision test, only listening to Carson move around the room and tap at the Ancient monitor.

This time when the test was finished, Carson came to sit beside Rodney, half turned to face him. "First off, I don't think what you smelled was an aphrodisiac." When Rodney opened his mouth to protest, Carson held up a hand. "But something unusual is happening with your body. When you complained about the strange beeping sound in the infirmary before, I couldn't hear it until I opened the door. When you were forced into the downed hive ship, you had extreme reactions to skin exposure and a smell that didn't bother others nearly as much. You've made other comments about skin sensitivities or the scents of bath products that no one else can smell. I only have tests for sight and hearing, but I have reason to believe all or most of your senses have become more acute than normal, at least sometimes."

"And you didn't tell me until now?" Rodney sounded angry, even to his own ears. He regretted it immediately, because he was taking it out on Carson, but this was how he'd always reacted to uncertainty.

"I'm sorry. I missed the symptoms until you commented on that beeping. Then it all came together with information I didn't remember learning."

"Didn't remember?" Rodney reached out and grabbed Carson's hand. "You mean, something you learned with Michael? Or something from being cloned?"

Carson went unnaturally still. "Sometimes I'm not sure how I learned what I think I know. The time with Michael—I didn't know I was a clone. If I'd been who I thought I was, your imprisoned friend rather than a clone, I might have just as much trouble remembering due to trauma."

From the hand he was holding, Rodney could feel Carson shivering by the time he finished speaking. He could hear his heart beating faster, and this time it wasn't due to arousal. Rodney spared only a moment to mentally berate himself for not noticing that he'd been able to hear Carson's heartbeat at several points, and that had never been normal. Then he reined in his thinking to focus on his partner.

"Listen, I don't care what anyone said in the past. You are just as real and have just as much claim on our friendship together before Michael's experiments as the other version of you. It doesn't matter which of you ended up in a cloned body. Your memories are yours. And I'm really sorry you were traumatized and expecting us to rescue you all that time, but lived through that instead. As far as I know, there's no outside measurement that can differentiate between your memories, feelings, trauma, or anything else. You're just as human as an identical twin." When he ran out of things to say and Carson still wasn't talking, Rodney pleaded. "Tell me what to do. I'm the one who doesn't know how to act like a decent human being when my partner is freaking out."

Carson squeezed his hand. "Sorry. I realized something else. Something about myself that may or may not be human, but it wasn't part of the original Carson either. I'm not his identical twin. I'm not even a perfect clone."

"Please don't make me say mushy stuff about how perfect you are. You're at least as human as I am. If we're freaks, let's be freaks together."

"That may be truer than you think." Carson looked around the room. "I'd prefer to have this conversation someplace else, but I'm still on duty. I need to check the results for the rest of your team and ask John what he meant when he said you had glassy eyes. Would you mind putting this conversation on hold until tonight?"

"Yeah, okay. I'm sure I have a million mistakes to fix in my lab. Other people's mistakes. Every time I go on a mission, those monkeys with degrees find some new way to damage, clog, or scramble the programming for this city."

As they both stood up and headed for the door, Rodney didn't let go of Carson's hand. It wasn't on purpose. He just forgot he was holding it until Carson stopped, looked down at their hands, and then pulled Rodney in for a hug. It was more than a little ridiculous. But it felt good.

#

"Have you seen Sheppard?" Carson asked when he found Rodney in lab late that night.

"What? Since the mission? No." Rodney started shutting down his latest experiment. "And I know you wouldn't want me to have a life sign tracer dedicated to tracking his location around the city."

"You can do that?" Carson asked.

"Would you want me to?"

"I've been calling him all day, and he kept making excuses to avoid me. I can't say I have any medical reason to track him down for his sake, but I do need to know if he thought you were actually having an allergic reaction or saw some other problem with you."

"That's a yes then?"

"This once." Carson sighed and rubbed his temples.

Rodney pulled out his life signs detector, the one he'd set to trace Sheppard's life sign wherever he went after their last debriefing. "He's on the southeast pier, in that medical building they found."

"The one where they found the suturing machine?" Carson asked. Rodney nodded. "I've been meaning to check that out ever since the military cleared it as safe to visit."

Rodney smiled and tucked his life signs detector onto his belt.

#

Both Rodney and Carson fell silent as they entered the low, quiet building on the southeast pier. At first, they had to think lights on in each section of hallway as they followed the signal to find Sheppard. Then they rounded a bend and saw a warm yellow glow coming from a room up ahead.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Carson called out, either more polite or more worried about a violent reaction than Rodney was.

There wasn't any answer, and they both hurried toward the open door. Inside they found a small room with two Ancient gurneys and two glass and metal cylinders about twice the size of Ancient stasis pods. One of the cylinders was glowing, but not the color of most lights on Atlantis. Rodney recognized the glow as faint sunlight. He scanned it and found it matched the spectrum for Earth sunlight. From the outside, it looked like the cylinder had inflated balloons full of sunlight around a human body, like packaging pillows meant to hold Sheppard in place and illuminated for transport.

Meanwhile, Carson had activated a screen on an identical cylinder on the opposite side of the room that didn't appear to be in use. "It's a therapy pod. Used to comfort fragile individuals or those suffering from sensory anomalies."

"You don't think John could be like me? With the heightened senses?" Rodney asked.

"Maybe. He could have hidden it from us. But there are a number of issues this could treat." Carson was still tapping through instructions and indicators, his back rigid and voice strained. "I would expect the Colonel to know better by now than to climb into an untested Ancient device."

"Agreed, although technically, my staff already cleared these on a structural and power supply level." Rodney's head spun with a sudden memory of Carson, the other Carson, dying because of the exploding tumor machine the Ancients left lying around and Rodney's minions didn't test properly. He couldn't lose Carson again. Or John. Then he remembered Carson freaking out earlier about being a clone. Rodney hoped his fall into memory hadn't been noticeable and hadn't caused too long of a silence already. "Sheppard is still the best ATA carrier in the city for doing the next level of testing. He just shouldn't have been doing it alone. Or from inside the machine. Should we try to break him out?"

"I'd rather not interfere with that one while he's inside." Carson gestured to the pod holding Sheppard. "From what I've read here, the lights will dim and the balloons will deflate when his session is over. It shouldn't be more forty minutes total, and we know he was already here when we left your lab. So it shouldn't be long now."

They went to sit on a gurney, because there weren't any chairs in the room. Both of them sat closer than necessary, leaning into each other. It was almost as if Carson could remember his other version's death. Then Rodney remembered his own near death from the Ascension machine and wondered if Carson were keeping quiet to avoid poking at Rodney's old wounds. He let the warmth and distinct smell of Carson and his alien legume lotion comfort him and hoped his nearness comforted Carson in return.

Rodney had pulled out his tablet and was idly checking recent notes about the building in the system logs when he blurted out, "They have jacuzzis here!"

"Yes, I think it's meant to be some sort of rehab or therapy center."

"My back problems should definitely qualify me for a prescription to use a jacuzzi."

"Oh really?" Carson ran a hand down Rodney's spine. "Don't you think you should consult your physician about that?"

Before Rodney could reply, the lights in John's pod began to dim and Rodney heard the faint hiss of the balloons deflating. Both he and Carson sat and stared as the air cushions emptied and slid into side panels, leaving what looked like curved glass around what appeared to be a sleeping Sheppard.

He looked peaceful. Rested and relaxed in a way Rodney hadn't seen the military commander recently. "Maybe the therapy did him some good."

Sheppard sat up abruptly, eyes blinking open as he asked, "Who's there?"

#

John felt better than he had in ages. He'd been resting in a squishy chair, almost like a giant bean bag, in what he thought was a kids' section of the new medical building when lights guided him to the hug machine. He hadn't questioned how he knew it was a hug machine. There had been too much weird shit in his head lately, and John didn't have the energy to keep questioning everything. After the creepy alien lap-sitting ritual, John had needed safe touch. He'd needed a hug and was beyond caring how he got it. Atlantis turning out to have a hug machine was far from the strangest thing he'd dealt with this week.

It turned out the hug came with warmth and light, like lying on the beach back on Earth. Or maybe the machine made it that way in response to John's ATA-linked instructions. It didn't matter. He wanted to lie there, possibly sleep there, forever.

But eventually the light faded and the hug machine let him go. He'd still felt really good until he heard someone say, "Maybe the therapy did him some good."

He'd jerked up without thinking, eyes blinking in the dim light of the infirmary-style room where he'd found the machine. "Who's there?" he asked, although he'd placed Rodney's voice before he finished asking. His eyes finally focused on both Rodney and Dr. Beckett, sitting side by side on a gurney across the room.

"Sorry to startle you," Beckett said as he waved a hand scanner in John's direction. "But I think I deserve to know why you've been avoiding me all day and then I find you inside an Ancient medical device." Carson sounded pissed.

"It's just a hug machine." John knew he was really out of it to blurt that out. He needed to pull himself together fast, but all he wanted was to sink back into the hug machine.

"Who told you that?" Rodney asked.

He was angry, too. John seriously didn't want to deal with either of them right now. Trying not to hesitate too long, John said, "It's my job to find out what Ancient tech does."

"Not working alone. Do you know what I'd do to any of my minions I caught experimenting alone, on themselves, with an untested device?"

"It wasn't like that," John protested, knowing he didn't have much to say in his own defense.

"What was it like?" Beckett asked in a sensible way that came across much better with his slight Scottish accent. John wished he couldn't sense the pain and worry radiating underneath.

"I was stressed, you know? Not sleeping real well? Then I found the jacuzzi tub, and that helped. And this was even better." Between his feelings for Rodney and his trust in Beckett as by far the best doctor he'd ever had, John was saying way too much. He wished they weren't asking him questions right after he'd come out of the hug machine.

"Have you been hearing, seeing, or smelling more than you usually do?" Rodney asked.

That was it. John was not going to mention the strange crystalline light he'd half seen a few times. It was one thing to admit to stress and using a hug machine. Visual hallucinations were a quick ticket to a psych discharge. "Nope, don't think so."

"Can you tell me what you observed on the mission today before you suggested Rodney might be having an allergic reaction?"

John almost swallowed his tongue. The way Rodney and Beckett were sitting together now, the way they'd been encroaching into each other's space for months, had convinced John they were in some sort of relationship. But "don't ask don't tell" still applied to the US military, and John had his own reasons for not wanting to ask or tell about relationships in general. So what could he say about Rodney's reactions to the woman who'd been sitting in his lap and putting flowers in his hair?

"Seriously? The cosmic Casanova is speechless about this?" Rodney teased.

"Trying not to violate the bro code."

"Bro code? Do people actually say that? Wait, what exactly do you mean by that?" Rodney asked.

Carson saved them with his sensible Scottish doctor voice again. "I am aware that a woman was sitting on Rodney's lap trying to seduce him and putting flowers in his hair. From what I understand, you and Ronon were dealing with similar intrusions into your personal space that could probably be described as sexual harassment. What I need to know is how or why you were concerned for your team member's well-being in that particular moment. Did you actually believe he was having an allergic reaction?"

"Well," John drawled out the word, pulling on his more public persona, "the possibility occurred to me, but I didn't think it was the most likely explanation."

"Report the symptoms you observed, please." That was a direct order from the head of medicine.

"Fine. He was flushed and making that kind of constipated face that usually means he's frustrated, but in this case, it could have just been the awkwardness of the situation. I wasn't sure how comfortable he was with things going as far as they had. Then he got this glassy look in his eyes, like when he zones out on something in his lab or gets distracted to the point where he doesn't follow orders in the field. Usually, talking to him or bumping into his shoulder gets him back on track. I couldn't touch him in this case, so I spoke and offered him an excuse to get out of the situation. He played along with a truly disgusting sneeze into some woman's cleavage, so I'm guessing I made the right call."

Instead of questioning Rodney next or clarifying some medical detail, Beckett asked John, "How long have you been noticing these zone outs?"

"Um, lots of scientists are like that. But maybe it's been worse with Rodney since we returned to Pegasus? The first time I noticed he was really glassy eyed and unresponsive was on that dead hive ship right after I untied his hands. I thought it might be a touch of PTSD from other charming hive ship experiences. Then at the end he fainted when we collected the Wraith queen's head."

"Passed out," Rodney protested.

"Keep telling yourself that, buddy."

"The problem is I keep having to tell you."

"Hey," John didn't actually want to upset Rodney any more right now. "It's just friendly teasing, I promise."

"How many times since then have you spoken or touched Rodney to stop these zone outs?" Carson asked.

"I don't know, maybe a dozen." John shrugged and relaxed into more of his trademark slouch. "Usually I try to be proactive, stop them before they start. And don't take this wrong, but Rodney always responded well to personal attention, either talking or touching, just as friends."

"I assure you, I'm not jealous," Carson said. "I'm trying to determine if you figured out what to do because you knew Rodney so well, or if you have a complimentary gift to the heightened senses he mentioned before."

"What?" both Rodney and John asked at the same time.

"Speaking in a non-official capacity," Beckett said, voice suddenly more animated, "I think we all need to discuss what some Pegasus natives call gifts. Would you like to come back to my quarters for hot chocolate or tea while I explain?"

"Say yes to the hot chocolate," Rodney urged. "It's really good."

#

As head of medicine, Beckett's quarters were larger than most in the central tower, with a sitting area set up on the side of the room by the entrance in case patients came to see him at home. There was a corner counter with a sink, where the doctor had arranged for a small kitchen. An Ancient console was mounted at the center of the wall nearest the door with a large dresser positioned in front of it, mostly hiding Carson's bed and personal space beyond.

John patted the Ancient console on his way by and took a seat in a straight back chair at one corner of the sitting area. Then he slouched deeply to make himself more comfortable. In a matter of minutes, Beckett had prepared hot chocolate with real whipped cream and handed John a warm mug. John sipped, not caring if he ended up with whipped cream on his upper lip or nose. This stuff was amazing. Almost as good as the hug machine.

"Now then," Beckett said as he sat down across from John on a long padded bench with pillows that served as a couch. He carried his own mug and one greedily accepted by Rodney. "I'm not entirely comfortable with what I'm about to tell you and would prefer it go no farther than the three of us, unless you perceive a security concern, of course."

John nodded. He'd found that was often the best response when he had no idea where a conversation was heading.

Beckett closed his eyes as he said, "Michael may have changed me a bit when he created this clone. Or maybe he activated something I hadn't been aware of in the original DNA. It's a sort of touch-based gift, something that helps me as a doctor when I need to calm someone or help them focus on or away from something happening in their body. As you know, Michael was also very interested in Teyla's, and presumably Torren's, ability to sense and occasionally interact with Wraith mental communications. I learned there are other gifts, like an ability to extend one's senses. But that could get out of control, perhaps causing the person to zone out, as you've described. Those with certain gifts, like what I do as a doctor or what I think you might have instinctively done to stabilize Rodney, may form pairs or clusters, supporting each other."

There was a long pause. John thought Beckett must have done something to keep Rodney quiet. But John didn't dare look up. He focused on his hot chocolate, appreciating the warmth and the deep sweetness. He wondered if he could sneak back to his hug machine after this.

"I'll give you some time to think on that, shall I?" Carson asked.

John nodded.

"In the meantime, you look tired and say you haven't been sleeping well. I don't know what led you to the pod you call the hug machine, but as a doctor, I think some real human contact might be in order. Why don't you come relax with Rodney and me on this very comfy couch while we watch a movie?"

"Is that your best medical advice?" John asked, setting down his empty mug.

"It is. I'll leave it up to you and Rodney to choose a movie. Nothing too violent or rowdy please." The look Beckett gave both him and Rodney showed the doctor was serious about the last part. Then Carson took all three empty mugs to the sink and started to wash them out.

"Um, I know Carson likes _WALL-E_ ," Rodney suggested, almost apologetically.

John shifted over to the couch, which really was plenty large enough for three people, maybe four. "Sounds fine. We can decide if Torren is old enough to enjoy it."

Rodney huffed, and John knew the excuse fooled neither of them. It was obvious they'd both already seen the Disney movie at least once, as had Beckett apparently. Rodney didn't wait to start it.

By the time _WALL-E_ was headed into space, John couldn't keep his eyes open. Someone had placed a blanket over him. It must have been Beckett, and John realized he was slumped against Rodney's shoulder. It wasn't perfectly comfortable, but John couldn't make himself pull away. Instead, he fell asleep.

Sometime later, he half woke with the movie still playing in the background. Only he was lying down. His head was on a warm thigh, and someone was stroking his hair. It was intimate in a way he hadn't known since childhood. His disastrous marriage had contained nothing like this. John could have cried, but he didn't want to give away that he was awake. He didn't want to give up this one chance to sleep with someone else without any misunderstandings. This chance to be close to Rodney, who liked it enough that he was petting John's hair.

John hadn't had the energy to resist the hug machine. He didn't have the energy to resist this. Instead, he let the touch soothe him, eventually falling into a deeper sleep than he'd known in ages.

In the morning, he woke up alone but carefully tucked in on the couch, which was longer than his tiny Ancient bed and just as wide with the back cushions pulled off, as they were now. John wished he could sleep there all the time. Instead, he folded the blanket he'd been lent and tried not to glance toward what he could see of Beckett's bed. Tried not to see if two people were sleeping together there. Instead, John snuck out of the room and back to his own quarters.

#

The next time Rodney tried to track Sheppard's life sign with his customized detector, nothing showed up.

It was late enough the Colonel should be in his room, so Rodney tried there first. There was no life sign inside and no response to knocking or anything else he tried. So he walked all the way out to the room with the pods, or what Sheppard called hug machines.

One was missing.

They had wheels, like the Ancient gurneys in the same room. Obviously, they were meant to be portable. But that meant someone had moved one. By Occam's Razor, Rodney deduced that Sheppard wanted the pod and had used his strong ATA gene to hide himself and his new toy. In other words, he was avoiding Rodney and preferred hugs from his machine to falling asleep beside Rodney on Carson's couch.

Rodney stomped all the way back to Carson's lab.

His partner was bent over a microscope and did not look up. Rodney scowled and breathed loudly for at least half a minute. It was a large echoing room, and they were the only two people in it. There was no way Carson hadn't noticed his entrance.

Carson still didn't look up.

"Why is everyone ignoring me? Am I phase shifted so no one can see or hear me? Did I commit some unforgivable social sin that no one's even told me about? Are you upset with me because Sheppard fell asleep against my shoulder and then lap last night? Which you totally set up? And he left without a word this morning and is now hiding from the life signs detector I rigged specifically to track him?"

"Breathe, Rodney. I didn't want to move and risk shifting the sample I'm studying. I'll be finished in a moment."

Rodney waited another half minute trying to breathe calmly. He didn't stop when he shifted to sit on the stool beside Carson.

"I'm surprisingly relieved to find out I'm not invisible. Why do you think Sheppard wants to hide? Last night, he never gave any answers about his strange behavior. Do you think he's like you with some kind of touch gift? Would that make him prefer touch from that machine rather than a person? Do you want the other machine? If you tried it would you prefer it to me? Did I mention he took the pod he was in last night and hid it, too?"

After another half minute, but before Rodney worked himself into another rant, Carson pulled his eyes away from the microscope and set the slide he'd been studying into a self-sealing Ancient container. Then he turned his stool to face Rodney. They were almost knee to knee.

"I think we should both be glad for whatever intuition or gift lets Sheppard help you in the field. It's not my place to know or guess, but I don't think Sheppard approaches that the same way I do. There was a category called 'spirit gifts' that Michael was rather obsessed with but didn't seem to understand well, or not in any way I could understand. If Sheppard has something like that, he might not know, and I'm not sure I could help him figure it out. But you usually disdain labels and sorting such things into arbitrary boxes, so why does it matter?"

Rodney could feel his whole body vibrating with curiosity. "I like answers. I hate not understanding things." He especially needed to know because it involved Sheppard, but that didn't seem like a good thing to admit to his partner, even if Carson said he wouldn't be jealous so long as Rodney was honest with him. Rodney wondered if a lie of omission counted as not being honest. He suspected it did. His breathing became shallow.

Carson took both of his hands. "Would you like a different sort of challenge to concentrate on?"

#

It took Rodney twenty minutes to prepare everything Carson had asked for. As he carried a blanket through a dark hall lit only by moonlight, Rodney decided Carson was the best partner ever. Rather than being annoyed by Rodney's anxiety and neurotic questioning, he'd asked Rodney to wash up and put in his vibrating plug under his favorite strap and meet Carson in the observatory at the top of tower twenty-two. By the time Rodney reached the isolated room with its clear dome-shaped ceiling, Carson was already there. Rodney could tell by scent before he entered that Carson was freshly showered and had brought hot chocolate and ginger cookies as well.

His partner greeted him with a soft kiss and took one side of the blanket.

Bending to set his side down and then taking his place to sit beside Carson pressed the vibrating plug inside Rodney firmly against his sweet spot. A shuttered sigh escaped, and Carson pulled Rodney close to his side. Then he rocked them side to side, as a couple might sway to music. But there wasn't any music.

Carson kept them rocking in a way that rubbed Rodney's prostate over and over, until Rodney was panting and wanted to strip his clothes off immediately.

"I can't tell you how it makes me feel that you let me do that." Carson's voice was lower than usual, as he slowed and then stopped their rocking. He shifted to his knees, sideways beside Rodney, resting his hands and part of his weight on Rodney's shoulders. The pressure from above combined with the no longer direct pressure inside made Rodney feel held but with only minimal contact. Then Carson kissed his forehead. He brushed light, feathery kisses across Rodney's cheeks, eyes, nose, chin.

Rodney pouted out his lips, but Carson kissed only the edges.

Rodney pushed forward, trying for stronger kisses or more direct pressure inside. But Carson only held his shoulders more firmly in place. "Hush. I want to give you more first. Stay still for me?"

Stopping, carefully balanced just as he was, Rodney watched as Carson took one hand away. It came back with a ginger cookie. Anticipation made Rodney's mouth water.

Then Carson ate the cookie himself, right in front of Rodney. He put the whole thing in his mouth and chewed while looking directly at Rodney.

It was so out of character for the generous doctor that Rodney could only stare. He watched Carson's jaw and lips move. Watching that simple motion in a mostly dark, silent room was almost hypnotic.

Then without Rodney seeing him move, Carson was kissing him deeply. His partner's tongue invaded his mouth, rolled against his tongue. Sharp ginger and sweet sugar enveloped him as if he was only his tongue. Spreading the taste of the cookie but also Carson everywhere. Taste, touch, stroke, tingle, pleasure.

Only as the kiss ended did Rodney realize he'd closed his eyes.

He felt untethered. Floating in a dark room with stars around him.

His body was aroused, hard and leaking against his strap, plug still buzzing inside. But he no longer felt compelled to do anything about it.

Carson moved to sit behind him. Rodney felt his partner's warm body, his hard cock, press up against his spine. Warm legs squeezed his hips, his legs. Long arms embraced him, at the same time passing him a mug of hot chocolate.

"Drink," Carson said.

Rodney cradled the mug in both hands. Carson's hands still wrapped around his. All four hands lifted the chocolate for Rodney to sip. It was barely sweet, rich with milk and sweeter whipped cream on top. Smooth but thick across Rodney's tongue. Sliding down his throat. Rodney swallowed.

The warmth, scent, and taste of chocolate saturated his senses. His eyes were closed again, but Rodney didn't care. For a moment, he was chocolate, or at least full of chocolate. With only one sip. Then Carson's hands guided his up, and he took another sip. They moved like one organism. Each sip slow and perfect. Each sip seeming to fill every node and connection in Rodney's brain, his nervous system, his senses and all he knew.

After a few sips, Rodney felt overfull. Not in his stomach. He was saturated. But when their four hands lifted the chocolate to his lips, Rodney drank. He didn't think he could take in any more, but he wanted it. Carson guided him, and Rodney took it all in. As he leaned his head back to swallow the last drops, Carson kissed his extended neck.

Rodney remained that way, neck extended, full of chocolate, neck gradually covered with kisses, until Carson lifted the cup away.

"I love you," Carson said. A brief interruption before more kisses, up the muscle at the side of Rodney's neck, down to the hollow below his Adam's apple.

"I love you, too," Rodney managed. His body was liquid. He melted back against the surfaces of Carson's shoulder, chest, groin. They were both fully erect, but neither made a move to do anything about it. The vibrations inside of Rodney traveled freely through his liquid, overfull body. But he didn't feel as if he'd vibrate apart. Carson surrounded him on three sides, a snug container for his overactive molecules.

After kisses had covered and layered along his neck until the skin felt exposed wherever it wasn't being kissed, Rodney gasped at a new pressure that pierced to his core. It wasn't anything as temporary as the vibrations from the toy echoing throughout his body. It wasn't quite a physical sensation. At least, it wasn't only physical. It was light and vibration. Particle and empty space. It was part of him, but something he hadn't sensed before, something new passing through him. He didn't understand it, which would have bothered him at any other time. Now it was only one more sip when he was already overfull.

Carson sucked hard at the base of his neck, near the muscle on the side where the kisses had started. A bundle of nerves Rodney didn't know he possessed all fired at once. The pleasure was sharper, more intense than having a nipple sucked. His cock jerked in his strap harder than should have been possible. Only years of training kept him from coming right then. But Carson sucked harder, deeper. The liquid vibrations inside Rodney rippled toward that point on his neck. The new sensation emitted from that core of Rodney that he'd never known about connected to Carson where his mouth sucked, and sucked.

Maybe Carson was sucking him in. Maybe Rodney was hooking Carson like a fish on a line. Suddenly Rodney didn't feel overfull. Whatever he had flowed between him and Carson. Even as Carson stopped sucking. Pulled back to offer tiny licks with the tip of his tongue. Damp but barely there kisses. They were connected and Rodney knew that he could keep this. Carson was his, and he was Carson's.

Soft words, so close to the spot on his neck that Rodney could feel each puff of air against the sensitized skin. "I'm sorry. I left quite a mark without asking first."

Making his first voluntary movement in what felt like ages, Rodney lifted his hand and pressed a single finger to that point on his neck. It hurt in a way that made Rodney's cock jolt again. There would be an amazing bruise by morning and it would last for days. "I love it," Rodney said.

Carson's long arms wrapped around Rodney again. They stroked gently over Rodney's clothes, but it felt more intimate than any lover's touch before. Carson stroked down Rodney's shoulders and arms, then up the soft bend inside his elbows. He traced the muscles and ribs on Rodney's chest. His sides, down to his hips.

"I meant to seduce you and end up inside you tonight," Carson said. "But what would you think of ending up inside me instead?"

"I feel like I already am," Rodney answered. Some distant voice in his head said that didn't make sense, didn't even sound like something Rodney would say. But Rodney was being honest. "I want to make you feel it, too."

Carson passed Rodney lube and a condom, then pulled off his shirt and lay down on his back. He wiggled out of his pants and briefs as Rodney watched each muscle ripple in the moonlight. Once his partner was naked, Rodney pulled off his own shirt and pants, strap and plug still firmly in place.

Carson was hard and leaking beneath him. While Rodney had been on top before, he'd never felt the way he did now. He needed Carson to feel it, too.

As he slicked up his fingers, he crawled over Carson. He kissed just above Carson's belly button and worked his way up, even as he worked his first finger inside. He kissed, scented, and tasted. When he reached a nipple, it was like turning a knob that made Carson breathe louder and smell more aroused. Rodney tongued around the nipple and worked a second finger inside until Carson was panting.

"I can't hold on much longer," Carson said.

"I need you to try," Rodney said.

As he started on the other nipple, he pushed a third finger inside, stretching Carson's silky heat. He knew Carson didn't like delaying his orgasm the way Rodney did, so he tried to stretch him without hitting his prostate too much, to assure pleasure without testing his partner's control more than he had to. But Carson was writhing and making it difficult to aim by the time he was fully stretched.

Rodney shifted to kneel between Carson's legs. He removed his strap, but not the vibrating plug, and wedged his knees under Carson's ass, practically pulling his partner up to just where he wanted him.

"You're so powerful." Carson's brogue was strong and his eyes half lidded.

As Rodney pushed himself inside with one long slow glide he said, "Wait and see."

Before thrusting even once, Rodney folded forward and started kissing Carson's neck.

"Oh my god, I can feel the vibrations from your plug," Carson said.

"Is that all?"

"So much. I feel so much."

Rodney started sucking at the base of Carson's neck, just above his collar bone. There was something he had to do. He worried at the thin skin with his teeth. Sucked. Nibbled.

Their bodies were linked. The connection established before still flowed between them. Rodney needed to complete the circuit.

Carson was writhing, moaning beneath him.

All of Rodney's effort concentrated on his mouth, on keeping Carson where he wanted him as he claimed that spot on Carson's neck. He bit down hard, a predator claiming his prey.

At Carson's shout, Rodney checked his bite without breaking skin. He licked to soothe the surface, then sucked to make Carson whimper and writhe. Carson's arousal hit him, not only the smell that was pure Carson, but an energy that passed between them. Keeping his mouth in place as long as he could, Rodney pistoned into Carson's ass.

Needing leverage, Rodney raised his torso up. Lifted Carson's hips. He crashed them both together once, twice, three times. Then they were both coming. Carson was screaming again, but it was good. Carson felt what Rodney did, the power of their connection.

They rode it together until Rodney had to pull out then remove the plug from his own ass. He half collapsed beside Carson, pulling the rest of the blanket over them. "Need to rest," was all he said before falling asleep.

He woke to stars but no moon. It must have set.

Carson lay beside him, awake. Blue eyes blinking slowly. "I should have remembered before about the bond. I'm afraid of what's in my head. I didn't know until it was happening."

"I knew when it was happening, and no clone-making psychopath forced that knowledge into me." Rodney reached out a hand to cup Carson's jaw, feeling closer to his partner than ever before.

"But I knew. I should have warned you, given you a choice."

"You're mine now. Don't you want me?"

"Of course."

"Nothing's wrong. I'd like to understand it all scientifically. But I'd never refuse this. Something was in me waiting for this connection."

"The tiger?"

"What?"

"I saw a white tiger hunched over me, when you bit me. It was you but not you."

Looking around, Rodney couldn't make sense of that part. The observatory was an empty room aside from the blanket and supplies they'd brought. There was no furniture that could look like a tiger in the dark. All he could say was, "I never wanted to bite anyone before."

"It's okay. You didn't hurt me or draw blood."

"Good." Rodney settled closer, resting his head on Carson's shoulder. "What can you tell me about the bond?"

"When we talked about people with certain gifts pulling those with enhanced senses back from a zone out, I mentioned they sometimes formed pairs or clusters that support each other. Sometimes a bond forms, like the gifts connect people on another level, linking them no matter where they go. I don't think the bond can keep you from zoning out, but it might make it less likely. And someone bonded to you could more easily pull you back."

"That's all?"

"There were parts that didn't make sense to me. Most of Michael's ideas about mental or spirit based communication were so alien to my thinking that I couldn't peg them down in words I understood. I'm not sure he always spoke them in words. he may have projected images or emotions, as the Wraith are said to during a culling."

Carson's muscles had tightened and his heart sped up beneath Rodney's ear. "Was the tiger like that? A projection?"

"No, the tiger scared me for a moment, probably the same way you scare people when you're fierce or determined. I'm pretty sure the tiger is connected to you and our bond."

"Whatever." Rodney stroked Carson's stomach, coaxing him to relax again. "I like cats, and it's fine if you want to pet me. I'm glad we bonded. Are you?"

Carson raised his outside hand and dragged his fingers through Rodney's hair, above his ear. "So glad. Maybe now you'll trust that I'm not going to leave you, that you're perfect for me just the way you are."

It was still hard for Rodney to hear words like that. He closed his eyes and buried his nose in Carson's chest.

#

A week ago, John had asked Atlantis to hide him when he was using the hug machine, the jacuzzis, or any other time he wanted to be alone. The crystalline light he'd caught glimpses of before had become more obvious to him after that. It guided him to a room in the soon to be opened residential building on the southeast pier where he could set up the hug machine in a less clinical setting. The room had a bathroom and a bed, although John didn't plan to stay there overnight. He was the military commander of Atlantis and should be findable in his assigned quarters at least most of the time when expected.

Still, it was nice to have a safe space of his own. The hug machine would only allow him one session per night. But the crystalline light—that he'd assured himself wasn't a ghost or hallucination but almost certainly a helpful projection provided by Atlantis to guide a strong natural ATA carrier—had helped him gather pillows and bean bag chairs to pile in one corner of his new room. He'd dive in there or soak in a jacuzzi after his hug session. That helped him relax for longer each night. It was much more successful than Teyla's long ago attempts to teach him meditation. She should have let him lounge in the pile of pillows she kept in her room instead.

His crystalline projection even found him the Ancient version of earbuds. They came bundled with nose plugs that offered soothing scents and other cords with uses John didn't understand, so he left those wrapped up. The whole bundle was small enough to fit in his pocket, and John often took them back to his assigned quarters to help him fall asleep. It turned out there were ports in the wall near his bed to plug them in, and asking Atlantis to help him sleep was instruction enough. So long as he didn't understand what she whispered in his ear, it didn't seem strange to fall asleep to an Ancient, inhuman voice.

This night, as he relaxed in the hug machine and warm air filled the hug bags around him, Sheppard's mind drifted to scents and sounds he heard at night, through Ancient sensory buds. He smelled and heard a different sea. The warm floaty feeling from the pod became the rise and fall of a calm and comforting ocean. He opened his eyes to dazzling sunlight shining through a multicolored crystal. It floated like a small iceberg beside him. Never changing where he could see it, but shifting in shape and size every time he tried to fix the image in his mind.

The gentle swells of ocean water beneath him caused his arm to brush against the crystal. It was warm and tingly to his touch. The sensation raced up his arm and through his body. The water supporting him from beneath felt more like a human caress as his skin tingled all over. He thought about salt water conducting electricity and blamed Rodney for cultivating the geek in him. He remembered Rodney stoking his hair as John pretended to sleep on the couch. That touch had haunted him all week. Until now, the hug machine had provided only a pale echo of that comfort.

Now, John felt enveloped, if not in actual touch, then in something he needed as much. The crystal beside him had shifted again. It supported his neck and head as the rest of his body still floated. The crystal made his scalp tingle, not the way Rodney's touch had, but as if it would connect to something deep within John. The jangly, antsy feeling that kept John awake at night seemed to be tuning in to the voice of the crystal.

It was the voice John heard through his earbuds at night. No words he would recognize or remember, but a rhythm that soothed the chaos inside him into a cord. The tug on the cord connecting to the crystal that cradled his head was pleasant. Sturdy and reassuring. Grounding him in the middle of an ocean because it bound him to the crystal. There was something inside him that had waited for this connection. As it slid into place the tingling sensation from before expanded beyond him, reflecting and refracting through the crystal and then back into John. They were connected and always would be. John was part of something enormous that would never let him go. Something that was also someone. Someone who needed him and wanted to support him but couldn't do as much as she wanted. She sent the crystalline projection, part of her own spirit, to help him in ways she couldn't. She cherished their bond. Had waited so long. Would wait longer until he was ready for more. Would share him with others as he shared her.

He woke in the already opened up hug machine. The warm balloons that held him were fully retracted. John didn't want to move. He still felt full, connected, and so very wanted. His bond to Atlantis hovered on the edge of his awareness. Not something he would tell anyone about. Like the crystalline light she used to guide him, this was private. As with so many other aspects of his life, John would never expect anyone else to understand. What had happened might be more than he could understand, but he did know he was bonded to Atlantis, and that wasn't going to be taken away from him.

#

"It is the time of first thaw, and we have only winter melons to trade," Eloloi gestured to a wagon loaded with the white ribbed melons.

"Better than roots and greens," Rodney muttered without looking up from the Ancient scanner in his hand as he dismissed the trade goals Woolsey had suggested before they set out.

"Please, sit by our fire. I will have melon brought for you to sample." Eloloi led them to a simple fire, where the logs set around it had been flattened and smoothed on top.

Minutes later, a young man appeared at the fireside carrying two wooden bowls filled with glistening bite-sized cubes of melon. Rodney grabbed for a bowl with his free hand, but as he pulled it close his body recoiled at the smell.

Sheppard had one hand on Rodney's back and one grabbing the bowl away before Rodney knew what had happened.

"Calm down, Rodney," Sheppard's voice was soothing, but pitched for others to hear. "The rest of our team and our hosts don't know what upset you. Was it something on your scanner or a matter of allergies?"

Rodney's genius brain kicked in, and he realized Sheppard was providing social cover for him, again. Probably that meant the others couldn't smell anything wrong with the fruit. To Rodney the stink of decay and Wraith was overwhelming, but he could also smell Sheppard starting to sweat despite the cold weather. The Colonel must be concerned that Rodney was going to cause an incident.

Trying to breathe shallowly and concentrate on science instead, Rodney waved his scanner over the bowl of fruit and released it to Sheppard's firm hold. The scanner was meant to detect minerals, chemicals, and energy signatures, so Rodney wasn't surprised that it showed nothing after scanning the fruit.

"Did this melon come from the wagon over there?" Rodney was already up and walking, scanner held officiously in front of him as the boy who'd brought the bowls nodded and the leader, whose name Rodney had forgotten, also nodded. Teyla was walking with her now, as Ronon hovered to one side of the clearing with the fire pit.

Sheppard followed close enough at Rodney's side that their arms brushed, and Rodney could barely stand the smell of rot from the bowl Sheppard still carried in his far hand. Nonetheless, he tried to sniff for any other tainted melons as he made a useless scan of the wagon.

"Well?" Sheppard asked.

"Nothing," Rodney said. "We'd need to cut them open to check."

"Can you tell me what we'd be checking for?" Sheppard asked.

"Wraith."

Suddenly everyone was making noise. There were gasps or denials.

"The Wraith are dead," the boy said.

"You're trying to frighten us," the leader accused.

"Perhaps our scientist speaks too fast, Eloloi," Teyla soothed, "but I assure you we intend no such manipulations. Please, allow us to test another piece of fruit. We will pay you for the samples, of course."

"If you insist," Eloloi answered. She pulled a wicked looking knife from her hip but only used it to stab, then slice open, another melon. Yellowish membranes and pulpy seeds split around the nearly pure white flesh of the fruit.

Rather than stand closer to the scary leader lady with a knife, Rodney leaned across from the other side of the small wagon. He waved his scanner and sniffed. Then he took a deeper breath but smelled only the almost sugary scent he expected from past experiences with winter melon in Pegasus. "That one's fine," he said. "Are we sure the one served came from here? Was there anything different about it?"

The serving boy shook his head rapidly. "I took it from the wagon, cut, and washed it right there, in the cooking hut." He pointed to a fairly substantial building with smoke rising from a chimney.

"I've been stationed places where the local water caused trouble for visitors but not for locals," Sheppard said. "Could you possibly show us the water supply you used to wash the fruit?"

"But the water is so good this time of year." The boy was still shaking his head. "Fresh from snow melt. Best water of the year."

"Show them so we may be done with this," Eloloi said.

The boy led them into the cooking hut, and Rodney could smell the tainted water as soon as the door opened. He held his breath long enough to duck inside and scan the water. Then he stepped quickly back out and used both the scanner and his life signs detector to check for any sign of Wraith or Wraith power sources.

"Find anything?" Sheppard asked, following him back outside.

"Nothing I can prove," Rodney said softly, even if people didn't think he understood tact or knew how to modulate his voice. "No signs of live Wraith or energy signals, but that water smells like dead and rotting Wraith."

"None of us can smell it," Sheppard said even more softly. "Can you track it without zoning out?"

"Isn't Ronon supposed to be a tracker? Or can't we just ask where they get their water?" Rodney didn't want to be reminded of the Wraith, especially the ones in the rotting hive ship where he'd eventually passed out from the smell.

Sheppard must have left the bowl of cut fruit inside what the boy had called the cooking hut, because it only smelled awful and not like Rodney might choke or throw up at any moment. When Sheppard placed a hand on his back and guided him to where Ronon stood guard, that settled Rodney's senses even more. It also helped to know Sheppard wouldn't avoid touching him on missions, even if he'd mostly avoided him since falling asleep on Carson's couch.

Sheppard kept one hand on Rodney as he spoke to Ronon. "If I told you there might be a rotting Wraith contaminating a water source, how would you feel about trying to track that down? Preferably in a way that makes us seem friendly and helpful rather than annoying the people here we're supposed to be making nice with."

Ronon said, "Point me to where they got the water."

#

An hour later their entire team plus Eloloi and three locals were tracking up the creek the water had come from. John had left most of the negotiation for the trek to Teyla, but he knew the leader didn't like anyone impugning their melon or their precious water supply.

The hike had them gaining elevation fast, and the ground was crunchy with frost and drifts of snow beneath their feet. The coniferous trees and fresh air would have been any hiker's dream on Earth. In Pegasus, they were all on edge at the mention of even a dead Wraith.

"You sure you need me along for this?" Rodney asked.

"It was your idea," John snapped, not wanting Rodney to whine in front of Eloloi, who clearly disliked and distrusted the scientist already.

"Can I take it back?" Rodney whined anyway.

John sighed. Rodney moved to walk on the far side of Ronon.

"I smell it, too," Ronon said.

"You do?" John couldn't hide his surprise.

"Tracker, remember?"

"Not doubting you." John held up his hands in mock surrender. "You hadn't said anything earlier, so I only had McKay's readings to go on."

Ronon looked at Rodney and then at John as if suspicious about the readings or some other aspect of the situation. He didn't say anything until they reached the leading edge of an ice field with water melting and running down from underneath. "Up there." Ronon pointed to a snow covered spherical shape that was either too small to be a Wraith hive or still very far away.

With one loud inhale, Rodney went from grumpy to panicked. "Don't make me go in there. You know what happened last time. And we don't have snow shoes or skis or any of those things I'm terrible at. Don't think because I'm Canadian that I'm happy crossing large fields of snow. No, maybe we should leave it to the people who live here to clean up this mess. Since it's obviously not my fault, and I was right. I told you there were dead Wraith somewhere."

"Easy, Rodney." John hurried to the scientist's side, bumped into his shoulder, and met Teyla's eyes where she stood with Eloloi and the other locals. "I think we should all take a break and discuss what to do from here. McKay can take some readings and tell us if there's anything else we need to worry about."

"Is that a Wraith ship crashed on our planet?" Eloloi asked Teyla.

"It appears so, but I'm sure the Wraith inside it are long dead," Teyla said in precise, controlled tones.

"Two days before rumors reached us that the Wraith were dying, there was a great sound and shaking, like a glacier calving. Could their ship have crashed here all that time ago and only flowed down with the ice this season? Could any of the Wraith have survived?"

"Most likely, they were dead when the ship crashed." Teyla turned to face Rodney. "Dr. McKay would have told us if there were other dangers."

"I only read eight human-size life signs within a mile radius, and they match the eight people present." Rodney waved both hands, each gripping a device. "Trust me, you'll hear immediately if I detect any other threats." Then he turned and lowered his devices. He stared down at them, scowling. "I'd be fine with going home any time now."

Hearing Rodney call Atlantis home triggered a strange tug in John's chest. This was the first time they'd gone offworld since he'd heard and felt Atlantis reach out to him in the hug machine. He'd long felt a special affinity for the city, but he'd denied she was more than a city until they bonded that night. Now, he felt a tug as if the cord he'd imagined in his vision of the sea with the crystal iceberg were real and physically pulling him, connecting him to the entity that was Atlantis and was definitely more than a city.

Rodney called it home. It was a home they shared, but she was something more to John. If Rodney truly had gifts that let him smell contamination from a crashed Wraith hive from a piece of fruit washed far downstream, was it crazy to think John might be in a relationship with an Ancient city?

"Are you zoning out on me now?" Rodney asked quietly beside him.

"Naw," John said, placing a hand on Rodney's upper arm. "Just thinking. I'm not going to let anyone make you go inside that hive."

"Good. I didn't think you'd be that mean, whatever you think of me now."

"What?"

Rodney twitched away from where John's hand still rested on his arm. "Even I know when someone's avoiding me. Sneaking away. Having the city hide you from people who just want to know you're safe."

Luckily, Eloloi's people were involved in a loud discussion of their own about the Wraith ship as Teyla and Ronon cleared a place to sit and pulled out safe water and rations brought from Atlantis.

"Look, it's complicated," John said.

Rodney snorted and looked away.

"This isn't the time or place," John hissed.

"Only time or place I'm allowed to see you." Rodney stomped off to sit with Teyla and pulled out a power bar and canteen.

In the end, none of them went inside the hive ship that day. Eloloi's companions had not brought equipment for traversing glaciers or ice fields. She assured Teyla her people were quite capable of inspecting the hive ship on their own now that they knew it was there.

"We don't have anything that will help you move the whole ship, but we have machines that could help hack up and move whatever's leaking," John offered on the hike back to the village.

"In the past when there were cullings, my people had ways to clear our water supply and burn any rotting remains, even the occasional dead Wraith. If we find this task more challenging, we will barter for your help at that time," Eloloi said without missing a beat.

"I am sure your people are well prepared to handle whatever is needed," Teyla said. "In our hope to be good friends and future allies, we would like to return in a few days, to talk more."

"That would be well met," Eloloi said. "In the spirit of friendship, perhaps we could detour to show you the other tributary that flows by or village. I am curious to know if your scientist finds those waters more to his taste."

"I'm not—" John jabbed an elbow into Rodney's stomach before he could say anything unfortunate. Rodney glared at him.

"While he would humbly tell you his opinions," Teyla said with an only slightly raised eyebrow, "and the instruments he uses are not infallible, I am sure he would be honored to visit waters you believe to be pure and suitable for your own people."

Rodney sighed but didn't say anything. John jostled his shoulder to show he understood. Rodney looked at him with betrayed puppy dog eyes but didn't make a scene.

Luckily, the village's other water source turned out to be untainted. No one insisted Rodney or the rest of their team drink from it as proof.

When they walked through the Gate back to Atlantis, John experienced an echo of the tingling feeling he'd first noticed when bonding with Atlantis. More significantly, he felt the cord inside him snap back into place. He stepped forward to where he could rest a hand on one of the Gate room's vertical supports with lights. No one was surprised anymore when Atlantis lit up brighter in his presence. John let himself rest against her for a moment.

#

Rodney was the first to the infirmary for their post-mission check. Carson took his arm in an unnecessary move to assist him onto an exam table. Something inside Rodney relaxed at the contact. Whatever their bond meant, it filled Rodney in that moment and then settled comfortably back into place.

"Are you okay?" Carson asked.

"I missed you." Rodney forgot to be quiet, but he was pretty sure his team and most of the infirmary staff knew they were in some sort of relationship.

Carson whispered softly, "I felt it, too." Then louder he said, "Any injuries? Exposures?"

"They had a crashed Wraith hive leaking something into their water."

"Were you exposed?"

"Other than walking on snow and ice? No. I couldn't even eat the winter melon I like, because they washed it in contaminated water."

"We brought back unopened melons that will be served at dinner," Teyla offered from where she was being checked nearby.

"I don't suppose any of you brought samples of the contaminated water or melon?" Carson frowned as they all shook their heads.

"They made me hike for hours," Rodney said. "I finished all the water in both my canteens."

"Let me get you a glass of water," Carson offered. "Then we'll finish your exam and make sure you have a good dinner."

#

Sheppard joined them at dinner and slid Rodney his serving of melon without a word.

"Good to see you," Carson said without sounding sarcastic or resentful. "How are you this evening?"

Rodney tried to ignore them while he ate Sheppard's melon as well as his own. He'd earned it.

Then Sheppard said, "I thought we could have a team movie night, show Torren and the others _Wall-E_."

"Not tonight," Rodney grumbled. Having finished all the fruit, he started in on the dubious curry dish served as their main course.

"Sure, whenever works for everyone," Sheppard took a bite of his own curry.

"We could do something quieter tonight. Would you like to join us again for hot chocolate?" Carson offered.

Even though Rodney wasn't sure he wanted to deal with whatever was happening, he stared at Sheppard expectantly, practically daring him to join them for hot chocolate again.

It was clear Sheppard understood the unspoken challenge. He squared his shoulders and said, "Sure, sounds fun." The fakeness of his smile implied it sounded anything but fun.

#

When John took his first sip of hot chocolate, it was just as rich and perfect as the last time he'd been invited over. But he couldn't enjoy it. Last time he'd been weirdly open and relaxed after his first session in the hug machine. This day had been the opposite of relaxing.

"You look better rested than when we last spoke," Carson commented.

"Yeah, thanks. I figured a few things out."

"But you still seem stressed." Carson and Rodney were sitting on the couch, the same as before, only this time Carson had made himself tea rather than hot chocolate.

John wished he knew why Carson had asked him over. "You know how it is here. There's always something stressful coming up."

"Coming up?" Rodney asked.

"Are you trying to make something of that?" John had learned that challenging or twisting possible innuendo was usually the best way to avoid awkward conversations.

"I thought maybe you meant the end of 'don't ask don't tell.' Carson told me this whole long, drawn out process the US is going through will finally end next week."

"September 20th on Earth. I'm assuming SGC will send some sort of instruction for handling it away from Earth, but I don't think it will matter much here."

"You don't care at all?" Rodney asked, setting down the mug of chocolate he'd somehow finished already.

"Are you planning to proposition me?" John asked, stomach clenched tight.

"What makes you think that?" Carson asked.

"Do you want us to?" Rodney asked.

"No." John ground his teeth in frustration and set down his mostly full mug. "While I'm glad they repealed it, I'm really not looking forward to these sorts of conversations."

"If it helps, lad," Carson sounded twenty years older when he said things like that, and John would have been amused if he wasn't dreading whatever came next, "I never read you as gay. It is completely up to you if you want to say more."

John stared at Carson and was completely sure the doctor knew his secret. "Is this part of what you called your gift last time?"

"I don't think so," Carson said.

"What?" Rodney squawked. He flapped his arms a bit like a bird as well, and John couldn't help but smile. "Why does everyone else always figure this stuff out but not tell me?"

"Nobody figures this stuff out, Rodney, except maybe your boyfriend."

"Partner." Rodney corrected. When John dropped his chin and raised his eyebrows in disdain, Rodney said, "It matters to Carson, not to me."

"Oh, well that's different then. Does your partner have any other bombs he'd like to drop on me?" John knew he was being unfair. He wished he hadn't trapped himself in this conversation. "Or maybe I should just go."

As he started to stand, Rodney cried out, "Don't go. Please? I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be sorry for, but I can't take this right now."

John's jaw dropped open. He wasn't like some people on Atlantis who thought Rodney didn't know the words "please" or "sorry." But he had never expected Rodney to use them like that, to practically beg John not to leave an awkward conversation. John sat back down and said to Carson, "Okay, before this goes any farther, I know we're supposedly immunized against the second childhood parasite now, but is there anything medical going on that I should know about?"

"No," Carson said, "but I appreciate your concern. Rodney has also expressed concerns about you behaving oddly of late. I think we should consider that the gifts we spoke of before may be affecting our reactions to each other."

John thought about his bond to Atlantis, how he'd been drawn to physically touch his bond mate when he returned earlier. Rodney had rushed to the infirmary and blurted out how he'd missed Carson. They'd all pretended not to hear, but even for Rodney, that had been a little blatant. "You two bonded last night." John didn't know how he knew, but it wasn't a question once he thought about it. "Then Rodney went offworld with me and used his gifts, at least his sense of smell. He let me help him, touch him, but he was upset that I'd been avoiding him before. He wants us to bond too, and he's afraid I'm rejecting him."

Now Rodney's mouth was hanging open, which wouldn't have been that unusual, except he stayed silent.

"How are you feeling about all that?" Carson asked John.

"Until yesterday, I don't think I believed or even knew about bonds. I don't think I believed most of what you said about gifts until today."

"Good to know," Carson's voice was calm but very open, honest. "Could you take a deep breath, or maybe three? You're looking a little peaked."

Half choking on what might have been a laugh, John took the doctor's advice and concentrated on breathing, slow and steady. His eyes drifted closed and he let himself relax. Not only could he feel his own bond to Atlantis holding him steady, he could feel the bond between the two men who sat across from him. And he could sense something reaching out from him to them and vice versa. "If this is supposed to be a gift, I don't want it."

"Are you sure?" Carson asked.

The bond between John and Atlantis vibrated with something stronger, something Atlantis meant to be supportive. Reassurance. He sent reassurance back. If his bond with Atlantis was part of his gift, then he'd deal with the rest for Atlantis' sake. "Fine, I don't think I have a choice or understand whatever gift I'm supposed to have, but I'm not rejecting it or any of you. Good enough?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with is enough," Carson said softly, from closer than John expected. Opening his eyes showed that both Carson and Rodney had moved as close to John as they could without leaving the couch.

"That sounds like we're going back to the sex conversation. After all this gift stuff, it doesn't even seem like a big deal to say I'm asexual. There, I don't like sex. You're the first people to ever hear me say the words."

"I appreciate that, John." Carson said and then asked, "Is it okay if I call you John?"

"Yep, it's good."

"Me too?" Rodney asked.

"I never understood why you didn't."

"Sexual harassment training. Five times." Rodney's hands were clenched into fists in his lap. "That and the military thing. With how much I was attracted to you, I thought I'd better stick with your last name all the time."

John forced himself to take another deep breath. "You got what I said about not being interested in sex with anyone."

"I got it. But you have to get that I'm a total slut. If I can accept that you're asexual, then you can accept that I'm a very sexual person, right?"

John ran his hand through his hair. "This is exactly the sort of conversation I was hoping to avoid next week and forever. I bet you two bonded through sex."

"Kind of. There was also some biting and sucking involved."

John closed his eyes tight. "Not something I'm into either, but not totally off the table like sex."

"I don't think it's something we should force," Carson said. "Discussing limits is good. But I think we need a way to touch, relax, and let this happen naturally."

John thought about how he'd bonded with Atlantis. It had involved touch of a sort, and maybe he'd needed a week of learning to relax in the hug box to open up enough to bond with her. He didn't think he could take a week of awkward conversations and negotiating each touch with Carson, let alone Rodney. But somehow he knew, they needed to make this work together.

In a rush of words without a breath in between, Rodney demonstrated his genius. "What about the jacuzzi tubs at that therapy center? They're officially cleared for use, and no offence, but John smells like stress sweat, and it's unappealing."

"I thought you liked a little sweat." Carson nudged Rodney with an elbow.

"Smelling more strongly like you is different than smelling like you're in distress or want to run away. John smelling that way freaks me out."

"Okay, setting limits. I don't want to hear about how I smell," John said. "I am willing to meet you at the jacuzzi tubs in half an hour, and I'll make sure we have privacy there. But please, don't make it obvious or tell anyone you're meeting me there. A whole pile of old rumors are going to be rehashed and probably asked about next week, and I'd rather not start any new ones."

#

As soon as John left Carson's room, he made his way to the safe space where he'd set up his hug machine. It was on the southeast pier very close to the medical center with the jacuzzi tubs, so he figured he had time to strengthen his existing bond first.

The pressure from the hug machine around him felt so good John moaned, knowing the pod was soundproof. His muscles unclenched immediately, and he tried to quiet his brain so he could experience the ocean with a crystalline iceberg as he had the night before. But his brain was buzzing with the events and confessions of the day. He was emotionally wrung out and really needed to just feel held. The hug machine was good for that at least. The cord he felt connecting him and Atlantis was pulling him closer the way he wanted it to.

Finally, when he knew his time in the machine was almost up, he felt something like crystals pressing against his arm. It flickered in the barely there way that John associated with the projection that guided him sometimes. He wondered if it was part of Atlantis or part of his bond.

The pressure around his hand felt like crystal pressing in and then easing back.

He wondered if trying to bond with Rodney and Carson was the best thing to do.

The press on his hand came again, and John was pretty sure it meant "yes."

#

Carson insisted he and Rodney should settle in the jacuzzi even though John wasn't there when they arrived. Rodney was dubious, afraid John would start avoiding him again. But sitting in a jacuzzi was better than chasing around after someone who didn't want to be found, and it was easier not to argue with his partner. They settled in beside each other only touching to hold hands.

It took Rodney less than a minute to realize there were ATA controlled jets that could be optimized to any configuration his back required.

"Best jacuzzi ever," Rodney sighed.

"I totally agree," John said from the door.

Rodney jerked forward, splashing water over the side while Carson choked back a laugh.

"Tell me you're locking all the doors and windows so no one else will startle me during jacuzzi time." Rodney settled back into his perfect configuration.

"I'm totally with you on that." John stripped down to his board shorts, which were three broad horizontal stripes of red, white, and blue.

"Nice shorts," Rodney teased.

"Military gag gift. But at least they knew I liked to surf and got the size about right." John settled in across from them in the big jacuzzi tub. His eyes were fixed on their throats.

Carson must have noticed too, because he said, "Neither of us is usually into hickeys, biting, or marking. But it seemed to come naturally when we were caught up in bonding last night."

"I wouldn't know about things like that," John said.

"I don't want to scare you with my entire kink list," Rodney said as he stretched out a toe to kick John in the knee, which he could barely reach. "But I'm happy to go first with the abbreviated version if that would help."

"Why do I need to know if we're not having sex?"

"Not all kink is about sex. Besides, if you're going to be around Carson and me, it would help to know what really bothers you or what you're okay with seeing sometimes. Anyone else want the water a little warmer?"

"Fine. To both." John sank down to his neck. "Mind if I add more bubbles?"

After they wished their tub into bubbling hotter as if they were boiling, Rodney volunteered the parts he thought were most important for John to know. "As I implied before, I get turned on easily, by lots of things, not just people. I don't know what it's like to be asexual, but if it's going to upset you if I get turned on around Carson or you, that's a problem. Because I get turned on a lot around both Carson and you. But I pretty much accepted a long time ago that you'd never want any kind of sex with me, and I find I'm even more okay with it now I know that applies to everyone. Also, I'm kind of into orgasm delay. So I've made a bunch of straps that hold my parts tight so it's less obvious when I have an erection. I'm wearing one under my swimsuit, because I figured that was safer than tenting out my trunks and offending you at some point. But it would kind of help to know if that sort of thing offends you or upsets you or whatever."

There was a long pause and then all John managed was, "Wow."

After a couple of long minutes, Rodney asked in what he thought was a pretty patient manner, "Is that all you're going to say?"

"You know, the last time I had to do more than joke about sex with people who didn't understand me at all was when my marriage was falling apart and my wife kept trying to explain the minimum any reasonable person would expect."

"We're not like that, John." Carson squeezed Rodney's hand. "If you'd like to come over here, I'd very much like to hold your hand or touch your shoulder or neck, if any of those are acceptable to you. I can pretty much assure you that no such touch from me to you will ever affect me in a sexual way, if that helps."

"Will you be thinking of me as a patient?" John asked.

"How about as a friend?"

John pushed gracefully across the tub to land on the other side of Carson. "Anything above the waterline is fine for now." The way he was sitting now, the water hit just above his armpits.

Resting an arm outside the water, Carson started to gently massage John's far shoulder. Rodney watched with only a smidgeon of jealousy, and a bit more than a smidgeon of lust.

"That feels good," John said. "Can you tell if you're using your gift?"

"I don't think I am, but what you said earlier about bonds made me think you understand more than I do."

"I don't understand anything," John said. "But I guess I'm closer to understanding what Rodney asked about than anything else. I guess I have to learn to talk about this stuff sometime, but I think I'm going to make Lorne handle any Marines who want to tell about their sexuality next week. This is so not in my comfort zone."

"You don't have to tell us anything that makes you too uncomfortable." Carson kept gently rubbing John's shoulder, and John stared at the bubbling water as if it contained a script he needed to read.

"I'm not uncomfortable watching flirting or even sex in movies or even real life, if I know I won't be expected to comment on it or have any reaction. There were times I watched a lot trying to figure out what I might like, what I could fake, or why other people like sex so much. Other times, I find it really boring and wish people would stop shoving sex stuff in my face as part of ads and shows that I'd personally enjoy more without those parts. I've never been raped or anything, so the worst experiences I've had were trying to _perform_ for my wife, which probably makes it better you're both male. As for that, suffice it to say I tried enough to make sure I wasn't gay or looking for daddy kink or something before giving up on sex completely. And I won't be offended if you get an erection, Rodney. I've been through college and the military. I do get erections myself and occasionally even jack off in the shower. It does something to relax me when I'm really worked up, but I don't think it's anything like what most people get out of it."

With a deep breath, John sank under the water, leaving Carson's hand empty. Then John pushed back up, wiped his face and hair to drip a little less, and settled back without another word.

"Thanks for sharing all that, John." Carson placed his hand back where it had been and gave a comforting squeeze. "I suspect my general interest in sex falls somewhere between Rodney's and your own. There have been periods of several months or even more than a year when I had virtually no interest in sex, not even in 'jacking off in the shower' as you put it. But when I'm in a relationship, especially now with Rodney, who can keep himself going for hours and designs his own sex toys in addition to the straps he mentioned, I experience myself as a much more sexual being. I usually top, but not exclusively. I have dominant tendencies, but not in any ways that involve sadism or humiliation, in case you've absorbed those stereotypes from whatever media you've watched. I believe my overall personality involves wanting to care for others and make them feel better. I express that differently with a patient than a lover, and I have never crossed that line, even emotionally. But I believe that is basic to what I'd like to give you. If you don't like the term partner for a non-sexual relationship, I'm open to other words. But to me it would be a similar relationship but without sex."

"Huh, that sounds surprisingly sensible." John pressed into Carson's hand without seeming to realize he was doing it, and Rodney found himself wanting to touch John more than he wanted to have Carson do more than just hold hands. "Nothing against the word partner. But we weren't going to tell anyone about this, right?"

"No, not unless we all discuss it and agree to tell someone something later," Carson said.

"On the dominant/submissive stuff," Rodney interjected, "I didn't think I was into any of that until I met Carson. Now I want to explore it, because I kind of like the way Carson tells me what to do. With us it tends to involve sex, but it's not really about that. It can be very calming, and just about touch. I would be fine if you were both dominant sometimes and told me what to do or if you wanted to try out being submissive with me while Carson takes charge. Any thoughts on that? Also, I'm really good with my hands, as you should know. That also extends to giving foot rubs if you want one. I've given foot and hand rubs to other scientists who I wasn't flirting with, so it would help my mental model to know your preferences on all of that, too."

John opened his eyes to stare at Rodney. "Did you just offer me a foot rub with no strings attached?" When Rodney nodded John said, "I'm more than fine with that. I think any objections I ever had to massage as a form of touch had to do with people turning it into flirting or having ulterior motives. As for the dominant/submissive part, whatever I thought I knew before doesn't seem like what you and Carson are describing. I guess I'm open to finding out, but my brain is about to explode from this much introspection and discussion. So I'll finish by saying, I'm not opposed to hugs or being pressed against or even beneath someone, but I never want to be trapped or restrained. Or blindfolded. Nothing like that."

Rodney shifted across the jacuzzi to where John could place his feet on Rodney's knees. Rodney started by rubbing the outside foot. John sank a little deeper into the water as he did so, and Carson shifted to massaging John's neck and scalp.

"Amazing. Shouldn't I be doing something for you guys?" John asked.

"You are. Let me know if you want more contact," Carson said.

"I wouldn't say no, if you want to try taking charge for a while."

"You know how to use stop light colors, John? Green for good, yellow for unsure or slow down, and red for stop?" When John nodded Carson said, "I don't ever want to touch you without full consent. Believe me when I say I'd much rather hear you say 'yellow' or 'red' than have you regret something later."

"Green," John said with a smile, not even opening his eyes.

Carson carefully floated John up in the water as Carson slid beneath him, like an added layer of human cushion in the place where John had been sitting. It left John lying almost horizontal, with most of his body about a foot below the surface of the water.

John sighed and said "green" again as Rodney shifted so he could rub both of John's feet in parallel. Carson's hands worked their way up and down John's shoulders and arms.

The look on John's face was pure bliss. On anyone else, it would have made Rodney think about sex. He realized that kind of counted as thinking about it, and he was a little aroused just rubbing John's feet and watching his partner massage John's arms. But for Rodney, that was pretty divorced from sex. Mostly, Rodney felt enormous relief to be touching John, to be entering some sort of relationship—whatever the talk about bonding really meant—and to not be worried about John for the first time in a week, or most of several weeks.

He rubbed large circles around John's arches and then threaded his fingers one at a time between each of John's toes. The noise John made was soft and breathy, but reminded Rodney of a cat purring. Rodney kept perfecting his technique and learning from John's reactions until John said, "You could lie down beside me or on top of me if you want."

Rodney wanted. But even with his strap and what John had said earlier, he thought lying on top of his new partner might be a bit much for both of them. He slid in alongside John, angling his hips down so his cock only pressed against Carson's hip.

Carson shifted so he was holding them both in a position that could only work mostly submerged in water. His right hand traced lazy circles on John's abs, almost the way one would pet a cat's belly. Carson's right hand traced along Rodney's side, from upper ribs to hip bone. After a moment, Rodney reached his left arm across John so he could stroke John's right side and right arm. He was only surprised for a moment when John's left hand found a way to stoke the arm Rodney was using to stroke John. A brief thought of a puppy pile shifted to thoughts of a squid pile and tentacle porn. But Carson giving them both a brief platonic squeeze brought Rodney back to the touches he was actually feeling. He felt a fullness that might be his bond or might be simple appreciation that he could be so close and wanted with both Carson and John.

#

Two days later, John returned with his team and four carefully selected Marines who'd had training for construction and demolition work in cold environments.

Eloloi greeted them more warmly than before. "We welcome your return. If you'd care to join us at the fire, we would prepare and serve melon there, where you may watch and test everything we use."

Teyla had warned them this might be expected. John didn't like trusting whatever gift Rodney supposedly had, but he would have eaten the melon before not even knowing the risk.

A different boy than before set up a wooden cutting board, knifes, bowls, and melon on one of the flattened logs by the fire.

"Your scientist is welcome to move closer," Eloloi said with an appraising eye on Rodney that John didn't like. "We have washed every item in our cooking hut with the water he said was clean and would like to know you are all pleased with our efforts."

Rodney nodded to Eloloi, which for him counted as a serious effort to show respect. Then he used both scanners and a couple not so subtle sniffs before saying, "I don't detect any problems."

As if finishing the thought, Teyla added, "We are satisfied. Please continue."

The boy sent to prepare the melon knelt in the dirt as he sliced the melon with well-practiced knife work. Instead of washing the fruit, he cut away any trace of pulp or seeds. Then he used a clean knife to cube the melon and lift it into two bowls. He held both out for Rodney's inspection.

The scientist made a good enough show of using his devices, when John knew he was mostly using his nose, that John wondered if their head of science frequently pretended to be working even when he was not. Keeping his own military façade, John pointed to one screen as an excuse to press against Rodney's arm, in case he needed grounding. "Anything we should know about here?"

"No," Rodney answered. "As far as I can tell, the melon is safe to eat. I found none of the contaminant from before." He looked to the boy and even said, "Thank you."

John nodded to Teyla who then thanked Eloloi before they all sat down and passed the fruit around. As usual, Teyla did a fine job at guiding the social niceties and offering the four Marines and equipment they'd brought to help deal with the hive ship. She made it all sound as routine as extra hands to help bring in the harvest.

Ronon managed to lurk at one side of the clearing again and was the only one to avoid sampling the melon. When a party of locals was detailed to accompany the four Marines, Ronon suggested he and Teyla would scout along the contaminated creek area with John and Rodney instead. They'd been given sample containers and instructions from both medical and science researchers. Medical thought a water testing kit might be as desirable a trade item as the second childhood vaccine they were promoting. Rodney had declared that the life science minions should pull their own weight and equip at least one scanning device to detect such problems in the future.

It all led to a long day of collecting samples and conducting scans that were mostly useless. At some point in Rodney's complaining, Ronon and Teyla split off to cover more of the watershed while Rodney took an afternoon snack break on a large rock outcropping in the sun.

John stayed to guard Rodney and couldn't deny the sun felt good on his back. He might have been tempted to dangle his feet in the creek, despite it being frozen snow run off, but they were examining the one that was still contaminated.

"Didn't see you much yesterday," Rodney said out of nowhere as he devoured a second power bar.

"We overlapped at lunch." John sat five feet away wondering if he wanted more to eat or was only being influenced by Rodney's expressive enjoyment over even military rations.

"You know what I meant, later."

"This isn't the time or place to discuss this."

Rodney sighed. "No, this is a complete waste of my valuable time in the middle of nowhere while we wait for some grunts to remove Wraith corpsicles that threaten a water supply. So are you coming over tonight?"

With a sigh he couldn't quite control, John said, "I'll try. But it doesn't look good if I'm there too often, and you seemed busy enough with Carson before."

"You explained the missing part of our bond yourself, remember? I know you still feel it, like something incomplete."

"It just isn't that big of a deal to me." John knew he was lying as he said it.

"You're lying." Evidently Rodney knew it, too. "Is it the intimacy? Did what we tried in the jacuzzi offend you, or did you like it too much?"

John had no answer for that. He's pushed the memory aside. It was something he'd assumed he couldn't have. "You didn't offend me. Just give me time."

"When I give you time, you hide from me for weeks." Rodney crumpled the empty power bar wrapper in his fist. "What starts out seeming great turns into something confusing that I don't know how to fix because you disappear and I can't gather valid data."

Strangely enough, that explanation made sense to John. He'd enjoyed moments of closeness, cuddling or massage, that turned into something confusing for him because for years he didn't understand other people's and his own sexuality. Now it was hard to remember the good feelings without the rest tainting the experience.

Rodney held up a hand in one of the few vaguely military gestures he'd learned on John's team. The way he tilted his head, John could guess he was listening. Trying not to even rustle their clothing, John reached out to rest a hand on Rodney's back. He felt the faintest tingle of connection in his hand, then Rodney whispered, "Someone's coming with questions, maybe worse."

John whispered into his radio, "Teyla, Ronon, meet us back at the creek. Ambiguous situation developing."

He heard the double click that was their quietest acknowledgement.

A minute later, two young women happened upon their rock and giggled. It wasn't the sort of situation John had been expecting.

"May we join you? I'm Daniol," the shorter and rounder of the two said. She sat herself between John and Rodney.

"I'm Melainoi." The taller one sat on Rodney's other side so close their thighs pressed together. "I have some nuts to share." She opened a leather pouch and rolled a couple of smooth round nuts in her hand suggestively. "They're still in their shells, so I hope you'll trust they're safe to eat. Do you want to open your own, or shall I do it for you?"

The way Rodney's eyes widened was almost comical. Whatever he'd said about being easy or a slut was true. John had seen for years how the geeky scientist responded to praise or even focused interest, especially from attractive females offworld. "Rodney has a lot of allergies, so he doesn't try new foods when we're away from home."

"You could try it first, us too." Melainoi reached across Rodney as if offering the nuts to John. Her arm ghosted across Rodney's chest, definitely brushing at least one nipple. John had observed a lot of seduction moves while trying to sort things out for himself, and hers were blatant but probably effective.

Waiving away the nuts, John said, "That wouldn't prove they were safe for Rodney. He's allergic to at least one fruit that no one else I've ever met reacts to."

"But everyone here eats them. We're offering to share something special. You could at least try them, even if Rodneeey doesn't." She stretched out Rodney's name as she set the nuts aside and shifted to a new position that pressed her breast against his arm.

Rodney finally pulled away, although that only placed him closer to Daniol instead. She leaned in demurely by comparison to her friend.

"Your arguments make no sense," Rodney began to rant. "Asking anyone to eat a new food when they're far away from medical help is irresponsible. Also, I'm in a committed relationship and am not comfortable with the rest of this interaction."

"We're not trying to interfere with any relationships," Melanoi responded, moving closer until Rodney was sandwiched beneath the two women. "We have stories about those sensitive to smells or tastes that threaten the community. Those gifted by the gods are expected to share their gifts so others like them may be born. We can make it fun, even without the nuts."

"No. I don't care what your stories lead you to expect. I have nothing to give you. Now please leave me alone." Rodney looked very tense, but was holding his own. John held back, not wanting to escalate this to anything but a personal argument if possible. He tried to meet Rodney's eyes, but they were staring straight ahead.

"Then give us a gift." Melanoi bounced beside him, breasts still close enough for Rodney to feel the bounce if he didn't see it. "Give us the machine you used to test the water and we'll gift you a beautiful robe for your woman back home."

"What? I can't give you a scanner. You have no idea how valuable they are, and they wouldn't work for you anyway."

"They only work with your gift?"

"No! They only work for certain people, to keep them from being stolen or traded away like you're suggesting. I have nothing to give you. Now go away."

That was when Teyla and Ronon walked into view upstream. "Hello!" Teyla called. "Is there a problem?"

Daniol shook her head and shifted to put a few inches between herself and Rodney. Melainoi only sat up straighter, and said loudly, "Your scientist is rude and shows no interest in friendship or trade."

"I apologize," Teyla said. She didn't even try to look apologetic, and John wondered how much she had heard. "The last time we were here, he had a trying experience. Perhaps it would be better if we did not bring him along on future visits."

For the first time since he'd met her, Melainoi seemed uncertain. "I did not mean he was unwelcome here."

"I am sure you did not. Would you kindly give us time to speak with our companions?" Teyla saw the two of them off, politely, in less than a minute.

John pulled out one of the empty sample containers he still carried and scooped up the two nuts Melainoi had left behind. "Are these something you recognize?"

Teyla put her hands on her hips, and Ronon grunted.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow and Teyla said, "I believe they are meant to increase sexual desire. They are relatively common, and I have doubts as to that claim."

"That's about what I guessed." Sheppard put them in a tac vest pocket with other samples. Then he saw Teyla and Ronon both studying him and Rodney. "We weren't stupid enough to eat any."

"Good to know." Teyla sat down facing Rodney but not too close. "Do you want me to tell Eloloi what they tried? I do not know how such actions are viewed here."

"No. Forget it," Rodney said. "But can you convince her I won't be needed on future missions to this place?"

#

By the time John knocked on Carson's door, it was late, and Rodney had given up on seeing him that night.

Carson rose to answer the door. Rodney listened but didn't move from where he was curled up in the center of the bed.

"Hello, John, come in."

"I hope it's not too late. I brought popcorn." John sounded nervous, but Rodney couldn't summon the energy to care.

"That's very nice. Should I put that in the microwave? I have some spices we could add, but no extra butter."

"Do you have the spice Teyla brings to movie night?" John sounded more comfortable.

Carson was good at making people comfortable, but Rodney wished he was coming back to Rodney rather than making popcorn. Even if Rodney did like popcorn, especially the way Carson made it.

"I do," Carson said. "Go ahead and settle in. You can sit on the bed with Rodney if you like."

"You look warm," John said, as he came around the dresser that divided the room, meeting Rodney's eyes after a brief glance around.

Rodney was warm. He was wearing his fuzzy comfort clothes. He had on a hoodie lined with fake fur that was surprisingly soft, especially over bare skin. His slippers were furry inside, but the pants he wore over his strap were fleece, less soft and fuzzy than the rest, but comfortable. The strap he was wearing was a smooth fabric that felt good on his skin but had minimal texture. He'd put in rather a large butt plug, something he found comforting. He'd also chosen it because he'd been expected to have sex tonight with just Carson for company. He was half hard in his strap already, but he'd only been lying on the bed listening to classical piano concertos as Carson played with his hair.

"I'm not sure Rodney's interested in talking this evening." Carson leaned against the end of the dresser as John sat on the floor removing his shoes. "He had a trying day and sort of curled up like a cat once everything was done."

"You don't have to tell me about his trying day. Did you have time to analyze the nuts or other samples?"

"Atlantis confirmed the nuts were long rumored to be aphrodisiacs, but I won't have actual lab results to report until tomorrow. Would you like something to drink?"

"Water would be fine." John stood and motioned toward the bed. "Are there rules I should know? This isn't like pet play with tails and stuff, is it?"

"We haven't tried anything like that, although I can imagine Rodney being amused by a butt plug with a long cat tail hanging from it. Not sure how he'd feel about actual pet play, and while I don't think he's in any kind of subspace right now, I don't think this is the time to discuss it. Sometimes he just puts on furry clothing, curls up in a ball, and likes to be petted. When we bonded, I'm pretty sure I saw a white tiger associated with him."

Finally sitting down on the bed, John said softly to Rodney, "I'm totally onboard with not talking about that or anything else." The corner John had chosen let him lean half on the Ancient console and half on the headboard of Carson's bed. Carson had been sitting against the headboard on the other side as he petted Rodney's head. It didn't take much thought for Rodney to guess John had noticed Carson's book and cup of tea on that side and chosen to sit opposite. The way he instinctively started to pet Rodney's head was a pleasant surprise.

Pet play wasn't something Rodney had seriously considered before, but he wouldn't mind being the kind of cat that just lay around being petted. He'd seen cat kigurumi and wanted to try them on and see how soft they were, but he wasn't sure he'd be brave enough to wear something like that on Atlantis, where he could be called on a moment's notice. Then again, he'd thought that about wearing his strap and plug combo when he first joined the expedition, and by the second year he'd been wearing it a lot.

Pushing back into John's hand on his head, Rodney thought he'd make a pretty good cat.

"Here you go." Carson came in with two bowls of popcorn and handed one to John. "Would you like me to set up a movie?"

"The music's fine."

As soon as Carson settled into his usual seat he asked, "Would you like some popcorn Rodney?"

Rodney opened his mouth.

Carson fed him two kernels of perfectly spiced snack food, and Rodney let his lips suck the last of it from Carson's fingers. "I may have been mistaken before when I guessed he wasn't in subspace. Rodney's not big on labels, and we haven't explored this much."

"Should I not be here?" John asked.

Rodney pushed his head into John's hand when it stopped petting.

"Whatever headspace he's in, I think it's clear Rodney is tracking our conversation and wants you here. I do too, John. I'm not exactly sure how a bond will develop between the three of us, but I think you're probably at least as aware of it as I am."

"Ugh," John's head thumped back against the headboard. "If I curl up like a cat, can I get out of talking."

"You are welcome to try out acting like a cat and be as verbal or non-verbal, dominant or submissive as you wish. As you said, you had a trying day, too."

"Cool." John kept petting as he chomped continuously on popcorn.

Rodney opened his mouth again and let Carson feed him. It wasn't something they'd done before, not like this, but Rodney liked it. He'd admit to having some sort of oral fixation. And he liked having Carson's fingers in his mouth whether or not they were having sex or likely to have sex later. Rodney was warm and covered everywhere but his face, almost swaddled. His ass was pleasantly full and he was turned on enough that every touch, even the press of the bed and the brush of his clothes felt like actually being touched. The petting on his head took him one step farther into focusing on sensation and not much else.

#

The way Rodney's eyes drifted to half closed as John petted his hoodie and he let Carson hand feed him popcorn definitely stirred something in John. Whether it was a bond forming or a desire to curl up like a cat and act submissive, John didn't know or want to discuss.

When Carson took the empty popcorn bowls back to the kitchen, John slid down beside Rodney and traced along the furry fringe that peeked out around his wrists. He wondered what it would be like to wear that furry hoodie.

Rodney captured his hand and moved it to the bottom of the hoodie, placing John's finger between the furry lining and Rodney's bare skin. John hadn't realized Rodney wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. For a moment, John flashed back on his ex and others who had moved his hand under their shirts. The uncertainty and discomfort stabbed him, and he froze.

Then he felt the soft fur on one side of his fingers and Rodney's surprisingly soft skin on the other. He began to pet, unsure whether he was petting Rodney or the fur. Unsure whether he was petting for his own enjoyment or for Rodney's.

John's eyes had drifted closed by the time Carson sank onto the bed above them and began to stroke both their hair. John peeked enough to see Carson was stroking beneath Rodney's furry hood. It was reassuring to know he wasn't the only one. This was allowed. Wanted.

Some unknowable amount of time later, Rodney began to squirm and reposition himself. John was relaxed enough he didn't bother opening his eyes or doing anything about it. As a warm back curled in front of him, John let himself be pulled into place with his hand now fully under Rodney's hoodie. Without a word, Rodney started John's hand moving in slow circles on his stomach and John kept the motion going as Rodney pulled John's knees up under his own. Rodney petted John's knee and thigh in a way that must have brushed against Rodney's own thigh as well. It didn't seem very cat-like to John, but it seemed very Rodney.

It was more surprising for John when Carson curled himself around John's back. While Rodney and John kept their motions almost the same, moving in rhythm with each other and the music, Carson improvised around them. He'd pet from Rodney's head down to John's shoulder and arm. He'd stroke the top of Rodney's thigh and then up John's side. John thought of a melody or a soprano, weaving patterns on top of other music. The possible innuendo or being on top in that way was not lost on John, but it didn't make him laugh or try to come up with a line. He felt like he was drifting, in his mind and his body. He didn't know if it was subspace and he didn't care. Being there, being touched was everything John needed in that moment.

#

Rodney woke to someone lifting his legs, trying to shift him under the covers.

"John?" Rodney patted back to where another pair of legs had been, wrapped around his own.

"He left, but he excused himself this time. I just wanted to get you tucked under the covers." Carson seemed to have positioned him where he wanted, because he stopped tugging. That's when Rodney realized his plug was pressed very near his prostate and his cock was very hard in his strap. "Do you want some of this warm clothing off?"

"More?"

"More layers?" Carson's cool fingers pressed to Rodney's forehead, then his neck. "You're not sick are you?"

Rodney rolled his hips, thinking what he meant was more than obvious but not wanting to talk anymore.

"Oooh, you woke up hard, did you?" Carson stroked up Rodney's thigh and pressed in at the base of the butt plug. "I should have known."

"But I'm not hard right now. You think you're awake enough for sixty-nine? If you get me hard before you come, I'll finish inside you."

Rodney whined and started chewing on his lips.

"Oh, that's nice," Carson massaged where Rodney's groin met his thigh. "Let me know if you get too hot and want out of that hoodie. For now, I'll just remove your pants and slippers."

Rodney whined impatiently the whole time but was pleased that Carson's cock was half hard by the time they got to sixty-nine. His partner found him irresistible even when he was whiny and barely verbal. Using his tongue to stroke and swirl as he sucked, Rodney had Carson hard and panting while the doctor only lapped at Rodney's crown just above the strap.

"Oh yes, you're amazing at that," Carson praised as if he read Rodney's mind. "But don't think I won't take my time with your ass. You've really got it coming this time."

Rodney's muscle's tightened around the plug as Carson removed his strap and sucked down deep on Rodney's cock just to taunt him before pulling off completely. Then his partner made a show of trying to maneuver the plug out while really pressing back and forth across Rodney's sweet spot over and over again. Now that his cock was free, it took actual concentration for Rodney to hold back his orgasm. His body wanted to come so hard. But Rodney wanted to wait for more. He was the master of delayed gratification and every spike of sensation only made him more pleased to hang on.

When Carson's cock finally replaced the plug, the transition was smooth and easy. Carson used plenty of lube, especially when he knew Rodney had been plugged for hours. That made it easy for Rodney to keep floating in a pleasurable fog. Even when Carson hit his prostate with every stroke, Rodney was so high on constant pleasure that he thought he could stay there forever.

The bond between them sang with it. Carson was moaning and holding tight to Rodney's hips. Rodney was humming, beyond being desperate and onto something else. His smug smile kept Carson going and he knew it. His partner would do anything he could for Rodney. But as Carson's gasps became uneven and harsh, as the smell of his exertion and arousal swept over them, Rodney let himself fall over the edge. He clenched and milked the cock inside him even as his own cock pulsed. Carson wrapped a slick hand around to keep Rodney coming as long as he could. And Rodney's over-sensitized insides kept twitching and tightening around Carson until they were both wrung out and exhausted.

Always the neat freak, Carson settled this time for pulling wipes from the nightstand to clean them up almost blindly. Then they both burrowed under the covers in a tangle of limbs. Rodney was still wearing his furry hoodie and didn't mind a bit.

#

The next day, John's team stepped through a Gate and fell into a pit trap.

He sat up dazed, his head, neck, and shoulder aching, and tapped his radio. "Atlantis, don't close the Gate. Send through whatever Jumper capable team is on standby. We have a pit trap right up against the Gate, about twenty feet deep. Tell them to fly over, check from above for other dangers, and then get down here with a rope."

There was a tug almost like a rope around his chest, and John knew it was Atlantis expressing her concern for him through their bond. As naturally as anything, he sent back a pulse of reassurance that he was fine. Then he asked his teammates, "Anyone hurt?"

"I think I twisted my ankle," Rodney answered as Teyla and Ronon both indicated they were fine. "Bruises all along my left side. I better not have a bruised a rib. I hate that. Scraped elbow. Oh what did I scrape it on?" There was a pause as Rodney checked and said, "At least my life signs detector is okay."

#

After Lorne's team pulled them out—just his luck his XO was on standby—they ran broader aerial reconnaissance trying to determine who left the pit trap. But there weren't any people, just large animals, some of them the form of cattle they'd come hoping to trade for.

"Looks like the hunters and traders who lived here have moved on," Lorne said. "Should we cover the hole?"

"Who leaves a trap like that when they go?" John asked not expecting an answer.

"Those who fear poachers," Teyla answered.

"Private hunting grounds," Ronon said. "Like the cat people in that show."

"Dr. Who, Survival," Rodney interpreted without looking up from whatever work he was doing or pretending to do. "The show is meant to be educational."

"Don't care. Let's fill in the hole."

#

A few hours later, Lorne cornered Sheppard in the infirmary to discuss the new regs. He read off a tablet, "Directives from SGC say no high ranking officers should be involved in planning parties to mark the repeal of 'don't ask don't tell.'"

"I am so not a party planner," John glared at his XO who was on the exam table across from him waiting for his own medical clearance after the rescue and pit filling mission. Ronon had shot a couple of the tasty cattle and dragged them back through the Gate, so the day hadn't been a complete waste.

"They also included recommended statements for officers to respond to questions or declarations on Tuesday."

"Tuesday? Are we supposed to count ourselves in the Colorado time zone for this? Someone want to look up when that is here?"

"I'll get right on that, sir." Lorne said with the same neutral tone as always. "Meanwhile, you are supposed to declare a high ranking officer to handle any questions or concerns around implementation—"

"I declare you."

There was a pause. "I thought as CO you might—"

"Look, Lorne, you grew up on some commune where people talked about sex and feelings, right?"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that."

"You told me your cousin wrote and recited her 'ode to a strap on' at your coming of age party."

Lorne sighed. "We agreed to forget that conversation ever happened."

"Fine. And you're our contact for any questions about the end of DADT." Before Lorne could make another point, Sheppard held up his hand, staggered over to the nearest sink, and threw up. He rinsed his mouth and said, "I may have a concussion after all."

Lorne didn't ask him anything else about DADT after that.

#

John finished the steak dinner with home fries that Carson had brought. The doctor had carried covered trays to his own quarters for all three of them so they wouldn't miss out on the meat Ronon had killed or the fascinating blue potato variation on French fries the kitchen staff was trying out. "Not bad, but you aren't seriously keeping me here all night for a concussion."

"Here or the infirmary," Carson said, as he ate the last of his fries with a fork and knife. "Trust me, people will think it's more irregular if you choose the infirmary after having the option to stay here."

"Lorne seems much less concerned about the 'don't ask don't tell' thing than you are," Rodney volunteered.

"I'm not concerned, I just don't like talking about it."

Carson passed them each a brownie. "I've been very impressed at how much you've discussed with us, and how honestly, over the last few days."

"Well, you've both been better than expected about it."

"Perhaps others would be, too," Carson said in a calm and fairly light tone.

John closed his eyes and tried not to tense. At the moment, tensing made his head hurt. "I don't want to tell anyone. I'd rather live on a world where no one had any sexuality to discuss."

"Asgard?" Rodney asked around a mouthful of brownie.

"No, never mind. I'm sick of hearing O'Neill comment about them, too. Can we change the subject?"

"Would you like to watch a movie tonight?" Carson asked.

"I'd like to visit my hug machine." John was proud of himself for saying it. If Carson appreciated his honesty enough, maybe he'd listen.

"I don't believe that or the jacuzzis would be safe with a concussion."

"What if I could assure you it is?"

To Carson's credit he actually paused to think. "How would you do that?"

John had meant to tell them eventually. "I knew about bonding because I'm bonded to Atlantis. She controls the hug machine I use and is more concerned than even you about keeping me safe."

"What?" Rodney spit a piece of brownie onto his knee in his shock. When he picked it up and shoved it back in his mouth, John looked away.

Carson only nodded. "I knew there was someone else involved, but I'll admit, that makes more sense."

"It does?" Rodney asked. "It's one thing for all you squishy people to make no sense at all, but Atlantis is a machine. I'm supposed to be good at understanding machines."

"She's more than a machine."

"Even an AI—and I did see that possibility years ago but could never prove it—should make more sense to me than"—Rodney waved both hands up and down in Sheppard's direction—"you!"

"That's lovely, John. Thank you for telling us." Carson sat forward in his chair. "Did that start with some form of romantic relationship before bonding?"

Rodney pretended to pound his face into his hands repeatedly, but John and Carson both ignored him until he stopped and asked Carson, "Were you planning to give me your brownie?"

Carson passed it over but kept his gaze fixed patiently on John.

"I don't even know what that would mean," John said. "It's not like I could give her flowers and chocolates."

"This is why I didn't ask you about your feelings toward Rodney or myself. There were enough aspects we needed to talk through that our actions seemed adequate to define the nature of our relationship."

"Actions speak louder than words." That at least seemed like familiar ground to John.

Carson shifted forward to rest a hand on John's knee. "In some cases they speak well enough. But I sensed there was some tension in you. At first I thought you might feel some fidelity or responsibility to your ex-wife, but I didn't hear that when you spoke about her. It clearly wasn't just 'don't ask don't tell' or concerns about keeping this relationship or your asexuality private. I thought you might have a romantic or other intimate connection to someone on Earth or something you were keeping very private on Atlantis. I trusted you would tell us when you felt safe doing so, and you have."

"I still have no idea what you mean by a romantic relationship," John said.

"I'm not sure I do either," Rodney added as he licked the crumbs of his second brownie from his fingers.

"What I mean by it might not match what you'd mean anyway," Carson said to John. "You told me that Atlantis is even more concerned about keeping you safe than I am and that you trust her to take care of you when you're in the hug machine. Was that true before you bonded?"

"Yes."

Carson squeezed his knee. "There are clearly some things about your relationship with Atlantis that are less than ideal as far as touch and communication, but you seem to accept and appreciate your partner as she is. Are there times when you would put her wellbeing before your own?"

Shaking his head, John said, "Sure, but I've done that for guys in my units and people I'm responsible for here when I definitely had no romantic relationship to them."

"Fair enough. I've mentioned a few things that seem important to me. Do you want to tell me what matters most to you in your relationship with Atlantis?"

John was stumped. He'd never taken questions like that seriously before, but now it seemed important that he know the answer. Then he could decide whether to say it out loud.

For the first time, John consciously reached for his bond to try to better understand. But it didn't feel new or confusing or like something he needed to learn about. It felt right. "I don't think I can come up with words. We just fit. I mean, it's nice to finally be able to be what someone needs. And she literally lit up for me the first time we met and still brightens lights or projects them for me. But I don't think I'd be able to tell her how I felt any more than I ever told anyone. She doesn't need that, so we fit that way too."

Carson smiled at him. Rodney smiled at Carson and then at John.

"Well, you've convinced me about the hug machine," Carson said. "But I don't think you'd be developing a bond with us if there wasn't some place for squishy people in your life, as Rodney puts it, so we're coming along. You can either use the hug machine still in the room where we saw them or show us where you hid the other one. Your choice."

#

By the time they walked out on the southeast pier, John had decided he needed to bring Carson and Rodney into his safe space. "I might still need to be alone here sometimes," John said as he led them into the not yet inhabited residential building.

"Fair enough," Carson said, "unless it's a real emergency, we won't intrude."

"That's why I'm trusting you with this." John hesitated in front of the door only he'd used before. "And maybe I'll want to share it with you sometimes, too."

They followed him in, and Rodney said, "It's so you!" Then he threw himself into the bean bag and pillow pile. "This is great."

"Great," John said, "then I'll just…" He waved to the hug machine and lay down inside. The clear panels closed over him.

#

Somehow, Rodney felt lonely lying in John's pillow pile once John was encased in his hug machine. "Carson?"

"Yes, Rodney?" Carson was poking around, checking out the bathroom, the bed, and a bundle of cords plugged in by the bed.

"Keep me company?"

"To ensure we're clear on this, I'm not making out or even flirting with you in John's safe space."

"Yeah, I feel weird even being here with him in that pod. It's too private."

Carson came close and arranged a couple pillows so he could sit by the wall, legs tucked under Rodney's.

"Do you feel like we fit?" Rodney couldn't help asking.

"With John or with each other?" When Rodney only shrugged, Carson said, "For me relationships are more about trust. I trust you and feel more connected to you every time you trust me with something. Tonight John trusted us with a lot, and I know I'm still processing that."

"Processing. Why didn't I learn that as a feeling word? I'm processing, too."

When Carson reached out and held his hand, Rodney felt like they were processing together.

#

In the hug machine that night, John wasn't looking for anything special. He pretty much just needed a hug, and Atlantis was who he needed to hug him first. He wondered if she wanted him to bond with other people so he could have human hugs. That made it seem like their relationship wasn't enough, but even as he thought it, John saw the cord connecting him to Atlantis as the shorter diagonal of a rhombus, or what in Atlantis' case he wanted to call a diamond. He immediately thought of how amused Rodney would be by that description. Then he felt Atlantis being amused along with him and saw how one side of the diamond connected Atlantis to Rodney and then the next side led back to John. Carson was the point on the other side, and while those outside lines were thinner, it was clear that Atlantis would in some way share a bond with Carson and Rodney as well. Sheppard was content and relaxed into the hug as his confusion faded.

This time when he came out of his hug machine, he was happy to see Rodney and Carson waiting side by side. They looked good sitting in his pillow pile. "I'm ready to spend the night at Carson's now. I'll even sleep in bed with you, if you want."

They wanted.

#

John woke the next morning tangled with two warm bodies.

One of them groaned and complained, "I'm sore all over. And not the good kind of sore."

The other murmured against his back, "Be there in a minute." That was clearly Carson, burying his face against John's back before giving one last friendly cuddle and climbing directly over John to help Rodney.

"You had the start of plenty of bruising yesterday. I'm going to bring the lights up just a little so I can work around that as I give you a massage."

"Yes." Rodney removed the arm and leg that had half covered John and started squishing a pillow into a better position. Carson thought the lights up and reached into the nightstand drawer for some lotion.

Only as John started to feel uncomfortable with the situation and wondered if he should excuse himself did Carson say, "Let me fix Rodney's back, then he'll probably fall asleep again. I'll check your concussion and then give you a backrub, too. You must be sore as well."

John was warm and relaxed. Although he remembered waking several times during the night as the others moved and he reminded himself why he wasn't sleeping alone, it had been easy to fall back asleep each time. He'd slept better than he had in months and felt like he could go back to sleep even now.

Then Rodney reached blindly to grab John's hand and pull it in front of the pillow where he'd propped his shoulders and neck up with both arms in front. Without a word, Rodney's other hand stroked the back of John's wrist and hand. Both of Rodney's hands were warm, but the one doing the stroking had some kind of lotion on it. From the sounds of Carson's hands on Rodney's back, he was making long strokes with lotion, too. The room smelled a little sweet and nutty. John cracked his eyes open to see Carson straddling Rodney's legs as he worked his back.

They were both bare chested, and John didn't have to be sexually interested to appreciate how they looked together in the dim light. But the light was waking him up, and watching distracted from what Rodney was doing to his hand, so John closed his eyes again.

Rodney had moved on to stroking the front of John's hand. His fingers began to actually massage first John's palm, then his wrist. If this was something normal people did, John had been missing out on a whole world of touch. But he wasn't going to assume anything about Rodney, or Carson for that matter, counted as normal.

As Rodney worked from tip to webbing of each finger, John could image how others might tie the action to sex. If Rodney was as obsessed with sex as he'd implied, he might have learned hand massage as a seduction technique or some sort of substitute. The idea might have bothered John with someone else, but Rodney had been close to John in ways no one else had for longer than anyone else had. Whatever Rodney might get out of massaging John's hand or might have associated such actions with in the past, Rodney knew John now. He knew it wasn't ever going to be about sex for John.

Suddenly, John wished he had words or could even make sounds to tell Rodney how good it felt. How comfortable he felt with Rodney's touch. How rare it was for John to be able to accept something like this and trust there wouldn't be confusion or unmet expectations later. He desperately wanted Rodney to know, but there wasn't a bond between them yet. He couldn't send reassurance to Rodney the way he'd discovered he could to Atlantis.

"It's going to be like a diamond," John said instead. "You'll both be bonded to Atlantis along the edges while I keep the short diagonal to her."

"I'd say rhombus." Rodney was barely intelligible as he spoke into his pillow, but John had anticipated the words. "But she runs on crystals, so yeah, diamond sounds right. Have you sat in the control chair since you started bonding?"

Pressure, need, excitement—a feeling John couldn't describe—traveled through John from where Rodney massaged his hand. It ran through his arm and torso and all the way down to his toes. "Rodney, you're a genius."

"I know."

"Can we go now?"

"What? I'm getting a massage."

"I could take a shower while you get ready."

"Couldn't this wait a couple of hours?"

John felt energized. Going to the control chair would give him the most direct connection to Atlantis he could have. "Please? I want to try this. I want you both with me."

"Fine, I'll give up the rest of my massage when you finish your shower. But you'll need to make me a large travel mug with coffee."

John squeezed Rodney's slippery hand that had been taking such good care of his. Then he hurried off to take a shower.

#

Half an hour later they were in the room with the control chair. John couldn't help reaching out to touch it, even while Rodney was running preliminary checks before powering it up. Carson rested a hand on John's lower back, and it made John regret—for a moment—missing the promised massage for himself that he gave up to get them all here. He'd barely been patient enough for the quick scan and post-concussion eye check that Carson had insisted on before clearing John to sit in the chair. They both knew Atlantis would take care of him, but Carson was a doctor and cared on a whole other level.

"Okay, sit down," Rodney spoke toward a console by the wall without a backward glance.

John slid into the chair, feeling the lights turn on as he did so. When he slipped his hands onto the sensor pad he felt a surge of joy that dwarfed even flying Atlantis from this chair before. Some part of him had known Atlantis for who she was from the start, but only on the flight back from Earth to Pegasus had he started to open up and let her in. Whatever fear of being compromised or rejected had held him back in the past, something had changed when he thought Earth might keep Atlantis, might take her apart and destroy her.

Atlantis sent him reassurance through the bond. What he'd perceived as words he couldn't understand the night they finally bonded now burst through his mind as a flood of images and data so fast that John wasn't sure if it was sequential or parallel. He couldn't understand it himself, but sitting in the chair, he knew what it meant. Atlantis was bonded to him now.

She wouldn't let him go, not unless he rejected her and wanted to stay away. If forces dragged him back to Earth or tried to keep him there against his will, she would know through their bond. She would fly herself to Earth to rescue him if needed.

John tried to project calm to Atlantis. That sort of rescue might not be a good idea. Lots of people might be afraid or get hurt.

Atlantis calmed with him until he thought to himself that he wasn't worth all that. The ferocity of Atlantis' denial, the burst of images and data showing her disagreement left John trembling.

"I think Atlantis just flashed John's life across this screen in visual and records format. Should I be worried?" Rodney asked, sounding far away.

Carson's hand came to rest beside John's neck, close enough to feel his pulse although John knew the doctor had readouts giving him all that information. "Atlantis will take care of him. We're here if he, or she, needs us."

Focusing back on Atlantis, John felt the pressure, need, excitement he'd experienced when Rodney suggested visiting the control chair. Now he felt it from Atlantis. Maybe it was their version of romantic love. Whatever it was, John felt it back. He gave into the feeling and let Atlantis flood his mind with thoughts he couldn't fully understand. Images of space, numbers, geometric representations, emptiness, occupation, invasion. The takeover by the crew of the Tria came through in a series of dangerously clear images. Then John felt some control switch over to him, and he took it, but let the flood continue.

Taking what Atlantis wanted to give him felt good. There was much more, and he didn't understand it all. His awareness and acceptance was enough for her.

When the barrage of Atlantis' awareness eased, John felt light and floaty. It was a bit like he'd felt with Rodney curled up in his fuzzy clothes and pulling John down with him. A bit like he'd felt in the jacuzzi when he let Carson and Rodney move his body around and touch him without expecting him to give anything back.

A single image formed in his mind. It showed John as he was in the control chair now, but he'd removed his black wristband and Carson was sucking a mark onto John's wrist. John knew it was about to happen even as he hesitated. He'd never done anything like that, never let anyone do that to him. It took less time than John expected for the idea to shift from uncomfortable to desirable. But Atlantis wasn't forcing him or affecting his emotions. She showed him and then waited while he realized how much he wanted it.

By moving his right wrist over to the left, John managed to remove the wristband without fully releasing contact between his right hand and the chair. Then he opened his eyes and held his wrist out to Carson who'd been watching closely the whole time.

The look in Carson's eyes, pupils and eyelids wide, staring, showed he understood. But he waited for John to ask, "Will you mark me?"

Then Carson's mouth was on his wrist. Kissing, licking, sucking ever so lightly. The man's dominant side was more obvious than ever before as he watched John's reaction, how his body tensed and quivered with the physical sensations. But especially his face. John wasn't trying to hide behind any masks. Whatever Carson saw on his face was real, even if John couldn't guess and didn't really want to know what that was.

Carson sucked harder, and part of John knew it hurt, but not as much as sparring easily could. The grip Carson had on his wrist was firm, but John didn't feel trapped. He could break the hold easily. The point was he wouldn't. John wanted this. Atlantis wanted it done this way, with John in the control chair where they could most easily understand each other.

Rodney came up behind Carson, mouth open, tongue tracing lips and teeth.

As Carson pulled away, John offered his wrist to Rodney. The bite was immediate, right around the bruise Carson had raised. It hurt more for that, and John jerked in the chair. No matter what John expected, it was surprising how certain and fast Rodney could be when he wanted something. In the instant of that bite, John saw the white tiger Carson had mentioned. The tiger then licked his wrist and faded, replaced by Rodney who was giving small, tender licks. His eyes were closed and he showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.

Where Carson now stood behind, holding Rodney by the waist, John saw a large black bear. Then it was gone. Carson held Rodney and looked between him and John with a soft expression that made his eyes shine.

Finally, Rodney finished his ministrations. He pulled back to look at the mark he and Carson had made. Then rather than turning it to show John, he placed John's still damp wrist onto the sensor pad on the left arm of the control chair. Atlantis hummed with contentment that flowed through her bond to John and out through two other branches that were new and narrow. They needed nourishing. All of their bond needed time and encouragement. John didn't want the details, but he realized in that moment that part of his gift was to know this. He didn't have to talk about it, just accept it and let it happen.

As the control chair deactivated and John stood up, Carson and Rodney both reached out to steady him. John pulled them closer and tugged down the collar of Carson's shirt until he could brush his lips lightly over the mark Rodney had left above Carson's collar bone. The mark on Rodney was closer to the muscle at the side, and John brushed his lips there too. Then both of his partners were holding him. Hugging for a long time and not letting go.

#

When DADT ended, there was cake in the mess hall. It wasn't much of a party, but Rodney insisted they couldn't miss chocolate cake. No one was surprised to see Carson eating with Rodney. John tried not to feel awkward taking a seat across from them. Some would see it as John showing support for an openly gay relationship. Some would see it as John shying away from making a declaration of his own. Some would see the potential for a threesome, if not more, in the way they sat so comfortably together.

People had speculated a lot about John's relationships over the years. Part of him felt guilty for not coming out and telling everyone he was asexual. But he was no more ready to explain that than the bond he had with Atlantis and now two other humans. He took a bite of cake.

 

The End


End file.
